To Forgive
by MandyMassacre
Summary: When someone breaks your heart, it's hard to let them back in. RyanOC
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but Madison Wallace

Ryan Wolfe isn't usually rude. But that's not what I thought when I saw him again.

I believed that he was quite possibly the biggest jerk I had ever laid eyes on. It didn't have to be like that, but sometimes, things are set in motion that can only be turned back when someone admits they were wrong.

I have pride. I wouldn't let him break me again. Anyone would tell you that holding grudges from high school aren't something that mature adults do. Even I thought that I should and was over it, but that was before I saw him again.

Standing there, talking to my new boss, Lieutenant Caine. If I had known that _he_ worked at this lab, I would have grabbed my bag, and taken a job elsewhere.

But now, there I sat staring at the man who had shattered my heart, the man that probably didn't even remember me, or remember what he'd done. I was being silly. Somehow, I still couldn't stop the butterflies that entered my stomach as his eyes met mine. He nodded and began walking towards me, bidding Horatio a goodbye. I stood my ground and gritted my teeth, careful not to lose my composure.

"Hi. You must be Madison Wallace. I'm Ryan Wolfe." he said casually, but obviously not too thrilled with the idea of taking a newbie along on a case.

"Hello." I offered. I wouldn't give him the benefit of knowing he made me uneasy. I learn from my mistakes. The light of recognition didn't flicker in his eyes so I presumed that he had no idea who I was. My breathing eased and I calmed a bit. Part of me was relieved that he didn't remember. I didn't want him to remember. The other part of me was angry that he didn't remember. He didn't remember the girl who has worn her heart on her sleeve and he'd crushed.

Maybe it's because I've changed. My hair is different. I've lost weight. I hold my head up instead of starring at the ground. But for some reason, I wish he remembered. Maybe it's best that it was this way. That meant that I wouldn't have to forgive him. That was the last thing I wanted to do.

"Welcome to the lab. We have a double homicide at a residence on Coral Drive. You up for it?"

"Of course."

"Great, I'll get you a kit and we can go."

He offered a small smile and lead the way outside to him county issued Hummer. He opened my door for me and I remained quiet, giving up only a small smile in thanks. As he got in a drove to the crime scene, I panicked. What if he started asking questions? I glared out the window cursing God for sticking me in this situation. It really wasn't fair. Maybe I'm just whiney. Whichever, it's still Ryan's fault. It will always be Ryan's fault.

"You look familiar. Do I know you from somewhere?"

Oh boy.

A/N: mmkay. first chapter. I wanted it to be from an original characters point of view, so the plot unravels more. I hope you like it. I know it's really short. There will be more description later.


	2. Chapter 2

_Do I know you from somewhere?_

"uh- um-well, I don't think so." I replied, shaken. What was I going to say, 'Yeah, Ryan, you were the one who made high school a living hell for me!'

No. That would be suicide. I might be a mess of insecurities, but I still have my pride. He looked at me quizzically and shrugged, focusing back on the road. I let out a long breath that I didn't even realize that I had been holding. I stared out the window and wondered why I had ever wanted this job in the first place.

After high school, I wanted to do something to leave the world a better place than I found it. Being a CSI seemed like a good enough way to do that. I'd thought about FBI and even patrol, but I enjoy living, and those pose too much of a risk. I'm a bit wimpy, and the idea of dealing with people rather than mostly evidence scared me a bit.

I graduated from Miami University with a major in chemistry that pretty much made my life chaotic for four years. My social life had suffered greatly, but I didn't mind. Being a CSI was the dream, and I was going to get it no matter what I had to give up.

My mother had always wanted me to be a teacher, and right about now, I was kicking myself for not taking the easy way out. But no, I just HAD to be a CSI. I believe in fate, but for some reason, this chance meeting with Ryan Wolfe seemed more like punishment from God rather than fate. That's the last time I ever return movies late.

I laughed to myself and he must have noticed because he looked at me and smiled. That gorgeous smile that used to make me week in the knees. Now it made me want to punch him. I shook my head and returned my focus to the Miami skyline that was floating by.

I had a pretty easy childhood. My parent's weren't by any means wealthy, but we always got by comfortably. I had brothers who looked out for me and friends that were always there. After middle school, my friends began to separate from me and I was suddenly all alone. That's when I met Ryan. I didn't realize it at the time, but he was the worst thing that ever happened to me.

The Hummer came to a stop at a rather large waterfront house. I carefully got out, and followed Ryan inside, noting the blood in the driveway. Inside there was a blond woman kneeling by the body of a female who appeared to be in her later thirties. She smiled at Ryan as he entered and then sent one my way as I stood next to him.

"Calleigh, this is Madison Wallace. She's new." he informed her. He really is rude, I'm telling you.

"Hi!. I'm Calleigh Duquesne. It's nice to meet you, Madison."

"Call me Maddie." I replied with a smile. My eyes widened and I glanced at Ryan, praying that the use of my nickname didn't spark any memories. He looked contemplative for a brief moment, but he obviously couldn't come up with anything. Thank God.

Calleigh began to explain that our victim was shot with a .22 at close range and had bleed out. Ryan started taking pictures of the room and I was told to start with the bedrooms. I walked slowly up the stairs and into the master bedroom.

The house was gigantic. It probably cost more than my four years of college. I began lifting prints from the bathroom when I noticed blood in one of the sinks. I photographed it, and swabbed it, carefully placing it in my kit. After processing the three rooms upstairs and finding nothing except the blood, I returned to where Calleigh and Ryan were standing, obviously talking about me.

"She seems like she knows what she's doing." She said. I smiled to myself. I was thankful for her approval.

"Sure, I guess." He replied. What a jerk. I shook my head and with a roll of my eyes, I made me presence known. Calleigh offered a smile and Ryan looked down, and grabbed him kit. Idiot.

"You finished?" He asked.

"Yeah, I found blood in the master bathroom and there were some prints on the faucets. The other rooms were clean." I told him, beating him to the punch.

Calleigh looked pleased and Ryan just nodded and motioned for me to follow him out to the car. I heard my named being said, and I turned, seeing Calleigh standing by her own Hummer.

"Want to ride back with me?" she asked. Saved. This woman was amazing. I nodded and looked at Ryan, he nodded and I smiled, walking away from him. I got in the Hummer with Calleigh and she gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Don't mind him. He's harmless."

I found it completely ironic that she was telling me this when I knew how much harm he could cause. Reliving that day in my mind, I felt myself become angry and I forced out a smile, instead of tears. I should be over it. I don't know why I'm not. All I know is that what he did was unforgivable, at least in my book. But maybe I'm just overdramatic.

**Ryan was popular in high school. He was the one that all the girls wanted to be with. He was gorgeous, and still is. But that's bedside the point. I had liked him, but I wasn't anywhere near his status. He was a grade older than me and I was sure he made the world go around. He was in no way stupid, or a dumb jock. He didn't even play sports. He was popular because he just was. I knew he had OCD. He hid it well. I knew only because my brother had it and I knew that only someone with OCD would have the organization skills that Ryan Wolfe possessed.**

**Maybe he thought that if people found out, he'd lose his popularity. Just because he had book smarts, doesn't mean he had common sense. He's an idiot. But alas, I still found him amazing, and to this day, I have no idea why. If I had it to do over again, I would have never, ever, ever, let myself think that.**

**As I said, my friends deserted me and I had no one. I was a bit of a loner. I didn't wear the clothes the other girls did, and I listened to rock, instead of mainstream pop. I was different. It's hard to be different. **

**The night that ruined my life shouldn't have even happened. I don't know what possessed me to go the homecoming game, but I did. Some people from my study hall had asked and I didn't want to say no, because I thought it rude to do so. I agreed and was waiting for them while they got pizza from the concession stand. Over the loudspeaker came the announcement that homecoming king and queen was about to be announced. I looked to my left and saw Ryan standing there with his friends. They were looking at me and snickering and I suddenly felt very self conscious. They laughed and nodded and returned their gaze to the field. I busied myself looking for the people I had come with when I felt someone grab my shoulder. It was Ryan. I looked up and gasped as he began to speak.**

"**Maddie, they just called your name! You won homecoming queen." he said excitedly. I stared at him and my mouth hung open.**

"**What? no, no they didn't." I said, still unable to breath properly. **

"**Yeah, they did. They said Madison Wallace! Now get out there!"**

**I let him push me out onto the field and I walked slowly to the middle. I felt everyone's eyes on me and when I reached the middle, the teacher looked at me strangely.**

"**Ms. Wallace, what are you doing out here?" Ms. Cooper asked. I looked at her in question, and then looked back to the sidelines where Ryan and his friends were laughing hysterically.**

"**You didn't call my name?" I asked shakily, tears threatening to spill from my eyes.**

"**No, sweetie. The name was Madison Collins."**

**I gasped and suddenly the whole crowd began to laugh. Ms. Cooper's microphone had been on the whole time. I ran off the field in tears and didn't stop until I home. I collapsed onto my bed and cried myself to sleep. The boy, who I thought I was in love with, had made me the biggest idiot ever.**

With the remembrance of that night, tears slowly cascaded down my face. Calleigh looked on with concern and asked if I was alright. I blamed it on allergies and smiled, trying to be convincing

I hate Ryan Wolfe. I hate him with everything I've got.


	3. Chapter 3

Most people can't hold grudges. They say things like "Don't go to bed angry".

That's a load of crap. I'm like the queen of holding grudges. I've been holding my one against Wolfe for years. Seven to be exact. I hate him, I hate him, and I hate him. I sleep fine at night. My dislike for him only makes me try even harder to succeed at this whole CSI thing. I'm determined to out do him in everything. Then he'll finally see that he's the biggest jerk off in the world.

Or maybe I'm just feeding myself false hope. I doubt Ryan will ever change. Something in the back of my mind tells me that maybe he has, that maybe he's grown out of being an arrogant prick. I'm leaning more towards a no.

My first week at the lab was pretty good. Calleigh was super sweet, and even Eric seemed to like me. I hadn't gotten an opportunity to speak with Horatio much, but he intimidated me, so the less contact, the better. One person I did have to work quite closely with was Satan's son himself. Ryan seemed to think that I had no idea what I was doing, and proceeded to pick apart everything I did. He did it in almost an affectionate way though, as it was constructive criticism. Yeah right.

I think Calleigh began to realize that I was getting fed up with him because one day, as we were waiting for DNA results, she brought up the subject of the spawn of the devil.

"You know, he's not really all that bad. It'll get better. It takes him awhile to get used to someone new." she told me, offering a small smile.

"Ryan? Oh, him. It doesn't bother me all too much. I know how to do my job. It's only a matter of time before he realizes that. I'll just nod and let him think he's right for a little while longer." I replied. She smiled and pulled the results out of the printer.

"Obviously, the pool boy wasn't telling the truth. DNA confirms that the blood you found in the bathroom is his." she said.

"And he told us he's never been in the house. Pft, it's always the pool boy." I quipped with a smirk. Calleigh laughed and walked out of the DNA lab. I made my way back to trace to pick up some results about a sticky substance that Ryan found on the doorknob. When I got there, Ryan was already standing, reading the results. I rolled my eyes and opened the door, making my presence known.

"I told you I'd pick them up." I told him heatedly.

"I know, but it was on my way to ballistics and I though I'd help you out." he replied, looking at me with those gorgeous, hazel eyes. Gross. No more inappropriate thoughts about the spawn of Satan. Gross. I glared at him in response, and turned and began to leave. He called my name and for a moment, I thought about turning around, and letting him say his peace. So much for that. I let the door slam behind me and I stormed to ballistics. Calleigh was there, doing comparisons.

"He is such a-a- ARGGHH" I yelled. Calleigh looked over at me, and understood immediately who I was referring to. She laughed a bit and took off her goggles.

"Just give him a little bit of time. He'll get over it."

"He makes me feel inferior." I admitted.

"And we made him feel inferior when he first started. I guess he feels like it's his right to do the same to you." Calleigh said, sending me a sympathetic smile. I groaned covered my face with my hands.

"But it's not right. I can do it. I don't need him hovering over me all the time."

"Beat him at his own game then." she suggested, sending me a malicious smile. She then told me to go ahead and bring the suspect in for questioning without telling him. She also gave me the results from the gun collected from our suspect. I smirked as I called Tripp and walked out of the ballistics lab.

Thirty minutes later, and a confession almost weaseled out of the suspect, I noticed Ryan storming towards me. I bit my lip, and began to think that maybe this hadn't been the best idea. He was really, really mad. Like the time in high school when he didn't win prom king. _Oh what a shame._ I stood my ground and held my head high. I wasn't in high school anymore. I could handle him.

"Madison," he said through gritted teeth, "Why didn't you tell me about this!" he motioned to the room that held the suspect. I smirked and raised an eyebrow, almost like a challenge.

"Awe, is Ryan a little worried that the 'new girl' might actually know what she's doing?" I taunted. I saw the anger shine through his eyes, and I became ever more determined.

"Well, obviously, you're showing me that you don't have what it takes to work here."

"You've got to be kidding me. Just because I don't want you constantly checking up on me doesn't mean I'm unfit." I was yelling at him now and he grabbed my arm and led me away from the interrogation room and into a deserted hallway. I glared at him, and wrenched my arm free of his grasp. He looked alarmed for a moment, that he'd hurt me, and I smirked at the thought. His concern soon turned to hostility again and his eyes turned dark.

"Madison-" he began, but he stopped. He backed up and the fire left his eyes. He rubbed his face with his hand and looked back up at me with a frown. "I'm sorry."

"What?" I asked, not trusting my ears.

"I said I'm sorry. I know you can do this, and I'm sorry that I made you feel inferior. I just-"

"Have you been talking to Calleigh?" I inquired, with a smile.

"Yeah. I mean, you should have just told me to back off. You didn't have to leave me out of the case." he told me, hurt almost evident in his features. My face softened and I looked into his eyes.

"Did I get my point across?"

"Very clearly."

"Good. Now, I've almost got a confession. Would you like to join me?" I asked with a questioning grin. Ryan smiled and followed me, all the anger gone. As I closed the door in the interrogation room, I saw Calleigh, and she was smirking. I mouthed a "thank you" and joined Ryan at the table.

After Ryan and I got a confession from the before mentioned 'pool boy' we stood next to each other in the locker room. He smiled shyly at me and I smiled shyly back. I almost let myself get lost in his eyes until I realized who I was looking at. I quickly turned back to my locker and grabbed my things. I almost ran out the door, but I felt Ryan's hand on my shoulder.

"Madison, wanna go grab a drink. It's on me. An apology if you will."

"Uh, Ryan, you already apologized. It was sufficient." I assured him. I really didn't want to spend any more time with him that I absolutely had to. Who knows how I may start to feel. He's still gorgeous and I'm sure any girl would still fall in love with him. I didn't want to be that girl, again.

"Oh. Well, Alright. I guess I'll see you tomorrow then." He said, with a hint of sadness in his voice. I smiled and thanked him for the invitation, and quickly walked out. As I sat in my car, I realized that I had just turned down Ryan Wolfe. I had turned him down, and probably made him feel like a rejected loser. I smiled, but then remembered his apology in the hallway and how sincere he really was.

I shook the thoughts out of my head. No way was I going to start feeling sorry for him. No, not now, and not ever.


	4. Chapter 4

As I've said, holding nasty, long lasting grudges is my specialty. But for some odd reason, call it karma, that night I couldn't sleep. I kept replaying the day in my mind. Over and over and over again in my head. The only thing I could come up with was that I was simply hoping that Ryan had changed, but really, it was only my vivid imagination.

I'm also the queen of denial. Did I fail to mention that? I believe that I have some serious trust issues. Most people can accept change, and welcome it with open arms. I, on the other hand, am quite possibly the most cynical person you'll ever meet when it comes to relationships. I don't trust men.

The last time I looked at my clock, it was 3 am. I must have fell asleep shortly after that, but was rudely awakened by the shrill ring my cell phone. I groaned and opened one eye, to glance at the clock. 6:30 am. Oh my god. I grabbed the phone from my nightstand, ready to kill the person on the other line for waking me up at such an ungodly time of the morning. I mean, one of the reasons I'd chose to work at Miami DADE was because I didn't have to be at work until 8:45.

"What?" I grumbled.

"Morning, sunshine." I heard a chipper voice say. It was Ryan.

"What do you want, Wolfe. It's too early." I asked, not in the mood. At all.

"I'm so very sorry, but you've got to come into work now. We've got a triple homicide, and I can't work it by myself."

I hate him.

"Actually, Ryan, I think that you've got what it takes. Come on, man, go the extra distance." I tried.

"Nice try. Be here by 7:00 or I'm leaving without you."

"If you leave without me, then how can you be sure that I'll come?" I teased. Where was this coming from? Since when did I flirt?

"Madison, please." he pleaded. I could tell he was getting aggravated and I groggily got out of bed and padded towards my kitchen.

"Fine, I'll see you in twenty minuets."

He replied with a 'thanks' and hung up. I groaned, and began to try to wake up. Coffee was the first step. Coffee fixes everything. I then proceeded to get dressed and attempt to make myself look halfway decent. It was way too early. I'm not a morning person. At all.

As I pulled into the parking garage, I noticed Ryan getting out of his car. I growled and slammed my car door.

"YOU JERK. You weren't even here by 7:00!"

"Yes I was." he said, feigning innocence.

"Ryan Wolfe, don't lie to me. It is now 7:05."

"All that proves is that you're late." he retorted. This only proved to make me even more angry.

"Jerk." I mumbled under my breath, "I guess some things never change."

"What?" he asked, giving me a strange look. I just shook my head and walked into the lab, followed close behind by the man who I would never ever get along with.

We grabbed our kits and badges and he escorted me out to the Hummer. I got in without a word and starred out the window the whole time.

"Madison, look, it's not that big of a deal!" he said, pleadingly, "I'm sorry that I lied. I got caught in traffic."

"That's funny, because there was absolutely no traffic when I was on my way at 6:45!" I quipped. I smirked as his face faltered, and he looked at me with a glare.

"I said I was sorry. Isn't that good enough?"

"Not today."

We spent the rest of the ride silently. That's when I started to feel bad. I shouldn't have yelled at him. I shouldn't be angry. I should have accepted his offer for drinks. I mentally yelled at myself for these thoughts and forced myself to focus on the task at hand. I followed Ryan into the house, and ran into him as he stopped.

"Ryan, watch—"

"Madison, I can't do this."

"What?" I asked frantically, looking around him. I saw three bodies, all lying in odd positions in the floor. They were covered in nails. They'd been shot with a nail gun. I looked at Ryan and saw that his face was contorted into a look of sheer terror. He quickly walked outside, leaving me alone. I followed him, and watched as he pulled out his cell and dialed a number.

"Calleigh, I can't-, I cant, Calleigh. It's nails, Calleigh, I can't do it." he kept repeating. I felt useless just standing there, and I could tell he was clearly not himself. I walked over to him and took the phone from his trembling hands.

"Calleigh?" I asked.

"Madison, I'll be there soon. I'll explain then." she answered. With that, she hung up. So, there I was, left with a hysteric Wolfe, who wouldn't go near our crime scene. I'd never seen him act like this. He stared straight ahead, and I could tell he was reliving something. He had that far away look in his eyes.

His hand shot to his right eye, and he started mumbling. I didn't know what to do. So, I sat down next to him and took his hand in mine. He looked over at be briefly, to acknowledge the appreciation of the small gesture. At this point, the things that he'd done to me in the past didn't matter. He was in pain, trapped in a memory. He needed someone. Anyone.

Calleigh arrived quickly, and handed Ryan a bottle of water. She then told one of the officers to escort Ryan back to the lab. She motioned for me to come over and as I did, she began speaking in hushed tones.

"A year ago, Ryan was shot in the eye with a nail gun."

I think that was the point where the gasp left my throat and my eyes widened in shock. I found that coherent words wouldn't form in my mouth and I stood, stuttering.

"Calleigh, I- I had no idea."

"No one expects you to. Ryan obviously can't work this case. Unfortunately, I'm already on another one, so I'll get Eric out here to help you." she told me, making her way back to her hummer.

"Is he going to be alright?" I asked, my eyes still wider than normal.

"He'll be fine. I'll see you later, Maddie."

I smiled softly and stood, waiting for Delko. I felt bad for Ryan. Sure, I still hated him, but wow, a nail to the eye.

Maybe it was time that I gave Wolfe another chance.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I know Ryan is OOC in this chapter, but I'm sick of him never having a meltdown. So I decided to make it happen. Everyone freaks out sometimes.


	5. Chapter 5

Eric worked silently beside me. For some reason, it seemed that he didn't want to talk about Wolfe's eye. I asked him once, but he acted like he didn't hear me and walked into the other room. I took it that he didn't want to talk.

We finished processing the scene quickly, and spoke briefly about possible theories.

I dropped my evidence off at trace, DNA and went to see Alexx before trying to find Ryan. After walking through the lab for about fifteen minutes, I finally found him talking to Horatio. He had his head down, as if he was ashamed. Horatio was as calm as ever, and had a slight smile on his face. Ryan looked up and offered a small smile in return and then walked away.

I followed him outside, where I noticed that he had sat down on a bench. I thought about it for a moment, but then decided to follow in suit. I sat next to him, like I had done earlier at the crime scene. I didn't take his hand this time, but he didn't seem to mind. He looked straight ahead and we sat motionless for about five minutes before he finally spoke.

"I- I'm sorry about that." he said, more quietly than I had ever heard him.

"Ryan, Calleigh told me. I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't. How could you have? Anyways, I'm just sorry. I didn't realize that it would affect me like it did." he said, with a small, sad smile directed towards me.

"Ryan, I think you handled it a lot better than anyone else could have. I know that if it had been me, I would've passed out, or died, or something like that." I told him. He laughed and looked me square in the eye.

"Thank you."

"For what?" I asked.

"For staying with me, and for understanding, and for holding my hand."

I began to blush a deep shade of red when he said this. Now I was the one with my head towards the ground. He brought his hand under my chin and lifted my head up so he could see my eyes. I shivered at the contact and coughed as a way to distract myself from his intense gaze.

"Ryan, how about we go get a drink, after my shift is over?"

"Are you accepting my offer from yesterday?" he questioned, a smirk tugging at his mouth.

"Actually, I'm the one making the offer this time."

"Sure, that'd be fine." he said, his eyes returning to the horizon. I took this as my cue to leave and I got up quietly and walked back into the lab. As I picked up my DNA evidence, I realized the gravity of the situation that I had to freely gotten myself into. I was going out with my enemy. Can you have an enemy who doesn't know they're your enemy?

I shook my head and headed to trace, determined to focus on work, not Ryan. I hated him, so it should have been easier than it actually was. For the remaining five hours of my shift, I was almost sick with anticipation, and as I put my things in my locker and grabbed my bag, I began to panic. I sat down, and steadied my breathing before exiting the locker room and walking to the door. Ryan and standing there, talking to Calleigh, and when he spotted me, he smiled and excused himself from the conversation. Calleigh sent a smile my way as she walked out, and I sent a nervous one back.

"Hey." I breathed, as I came to stand next to him.

"Hi. You ready?" He asked, nodding towards the door

"Yeah, I am." I said, my words coming out shakier than I would have liked. Ryan must not have caught on, because he opened the door and placed his hand on the small of my back as I walked out before him. I had to use all the will power I possessed to keep myself from arching into his touch. It was amazing that this man, whom I hated, could make me feel this way with just a small touch. Ryan kept his hand there, and guided me towards my car.

When we got there, I looked at him, waiting for instruction. He though for a moment, and then spoke.

"I plan on getting a little more than tipsy tonight. What about you?"

"Oh, I don't drink. I can drive if you want."

"Alright, and I'll just get a cab." he agreed, and I unlocked my doors and we both got in. The ride to the bar wasn't silent. In fact, Ryan was quite chatty. I think he talks a lot when he's nervous. I smiled and nodded and inserted words at appropriate times. My mind was elsewhere, though. I was going over the repercussions of out little "rendezvous" and I didn't like what was forming in my mind. Dealing with a wasted Ryan Wolfe seemed a bit like a lot to undertake, but I had already agreed, and there was no way I was getting out of it now.

The bar was quiet, and the air was smoky. I swore that I was going to get lung cancer if we stayed more than three hours. Ryan immediately ordered three shots and a beer. I stuck with water and watched as he filled himself with the toxic liquid.

The more drunk he became, the more he talked. He told me about how the team had treated him when he first arrived and how things were better now. He told me about his eye, and the infection that could have cost him his career. From the way he spoke, I didn't think that he'd ever told anyone any of the things that he was telling me. I listened, and analyzed, due to the fact that there was no alcohol in my system. My brain was only clouded with feelings of sympathy for the man sitting next to me. The man, who had endured so much, yet was still able to hold it together.

It made me feel like an idiot. Here I am, holding a grudge from high school, and Ryan had already gotten over his. He'd probably been hurt more than I had. I was still living my nightmare. Ryan had gotten rid of his.

I learned of Erica Sikes and I felt a tinge of jealousy rise up when he mentioned that he used to date her. I didn't want to hear about his relationships. It's just not good conversation. I stole a glance at the clock and realized that it was getting late, and how tired I was. Ryan was willing to go, after about 4 beers and a number of shots. He asked me to call a cab, but he was so drunk that I didn't feel safe leaving him.

"Ryan, how about I take you home. I don't think it's a good idea for you to go alone. You're too drunk." I said, as he tried to steady himself using the wall outside of the bar.

"Maaadddiiie. I'll be finnnnnne." he slurred, with a loopy smile.

"I know, tough guy, come on, I parked right over here."

This time, he didn't protest because I guess he realized how incredibly drunk he really was. He just sulked over and I helped him into the passenger seat before returning to the drivers' side. He looked at me sadly as I got in.

"I'm sorry." he told me, the puppy dog eyes in full effect.

"Ryan, really, it's fine. Now, what street do you live on?" I asked, even though I doubted he would be able to remember in his current state.

"Glenview," he recited, "1405. I live in a condo."

"Alright, I'll get you home."

When I found his condo, after about thirty minutes, I helped him to the door, and even unlocked it. He pulled me inside and went straight to his bedroom. I followed, apprehensively. He pulled down his bed and folded each layer perfectly. It amazed me that through his intoxication, his OCD was still so strong.

He then began to remove articles of clothing and I thought it best that I leave.

"Maddie, don't go yet." he pleaded. He looked so vulnerable and I couldn't stand it. He stripped down to boxers and was trying, and failing to undo the buttons on his shirt. He looked up at me with a silly grin and I slowly walked over, in a silent agreement to help.

I undid the buttons carefully, because I knew that if one popped off, he'd go crazy. I slid the shirt off his shoulders and he closed his eyes and smiled. I pulled away and handed him the shirt, knowing that he needed to fold it himself. He did so and climbed into his bed, pulling the sheet up to his chest.

"Maddie, I'm so drunk. I feel sick." he told me. I wanted to leave. I wanted to leave so badly, but I knew I couldn't. I might not like him a whole lot, but I would never forgive myself if he died because I agreed to go out for drinks with him.

"I know, Ryan. It'll be okay in the morning."

"Maddie, please don't leave me." he asked. I looked back at him from where I was standing at the door. His eyes were pleading, and I couldn't refuse.

"Okay. I'll stay until you sober up a bit." I agreed, taking off my jacket. Ryan patted the spot next to him and I shook my head no. There was no way in hell. He stuck out his bottom lip, but I stood unchanged. He whined a bit, but then, suddenly, realization hit him.

"I'm sorry Madison. I really am. I'm not trying to get you to sleep with me." he told me, sincerely. I laughed at him and sat down next to him, on the edge of the bed.

"I know you're not Ryan. Now go to sleep. I'll sit with you for a while."

"Thank you." he mumbled as he drifted off into a deep sleep.

I sat, looking at him, wanting so badly to reach out and touch his face. He looked so sweet when he was sleeping. I felt the feelings of hate and distrust leave my mind in those moments and all I cared about was his safety. I felt myself closing my eyes and moved myself to the floor, and laid my head on the edge of the bed, quickly falling into the same deep sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

I woke with a start, somehow hearing the laugh of cruel high school teenagers echoing on my ears. I shook my head to rid myself of the sound and stole a glance at the clock. It read 3:30. I groaned and stood up from my previous position on the floor, taking note of how sore I was.

I found Wolfe's kitchen, and got him a glass of water and an aspirin. He'd thank me when he woke up. I made sure he hadn't died choking in his own vomit before slipping out of his condo, locking the door behind myself as I went. I sat in my car for a full five minutes before starting it and slowly backing out. As I drove back to my own condo, I was amazed that even in the middle of the night; there were still hundreds of people on the roads.

As soon as I reached my apartment, I feel back asleep, not even bothering to change my clothes or wash off my make-up. I regretted letting Ryan drink so much, because, and I'm sure once he finds out he'll kill me, he didn't have the next day off. I totally forgot to tell him. I really shouldn't be trusted with such precious information. I sighed and set my alarm, planning on calling him in the morning, to let him know the change of plans.

The shrill sound of the alarm came all too quickly and I sat up, instantly feeling a wave of worry wash over me. I picked up my phone apprehensively, and slowly dialed his number. I was met with an angry, tired hello and a sharp gasp.

"Maddie, What in the world?"

"Uh, Ryan. How are you?"

"You know exactly how I am. Look, it's my day off, please let me go back to sleep. I'm sorry about calling you yesterday morning, but let-"

"About that, Wolfe. I sort of forgot to tell you about a minor change in your schedule."

"Madison, I want you to know that I know six ways to kill you so no one will ever know I had anything to do with it."

"And I know seven, now look, I'm sorry, I forgot. No, you will notice that I oh so nicely left you an aspirin and a glass of water on your bedside table. Take it, get some coffee, and get over it. I'll see you at the lab."

"I hate you." he said, in a whiny, childlike voice.

"Oh, but I just adore you Ryan."

_click_

I made my way into Miami-DADE, looking for signs of Wolfe, but I didn't see him. I gave a happy sigh as I entered the locker room, still void of Ryan. I sat down on a bench next to my locker and leaned back, closing my eyes. It was then that I felt someone step in front of me. I opened one eye and it revealed a very hung-over, unhappy Ryan Wolfe. I got up and soon found myself backed up against the lockers as I stumbled over my words.

"Ryan, I'm sorry, I forgot, and then you were drunk, and I was sleepy, and-"

Ryan silenced me with a shake of his head and offered a smile. He then proceeded to pin me to the lockers and bring his face two inches from mine. I gulped and my breathing became shallow.

"I understand." he told me.

"You do?" I asked. He nodded and brought his mouth to my ear and whispered softly, making me shiver.

"Yeah, but still, revenge is best served cold, don't you think?" he said with a sinister smile, as he backed up. He released the gentle hold he had on my arms and winked, walking out of the locker room. I let out a long, shaky breath as I followed, mentally berating myself for how I let him affect me.

Some time later, I found him in the trace lab, waiting for his results. I came up next to him. He looked over and he smiled sweetly. Too sweetly.

"Ryan, look, about this whole, 'revenge' thing. Maybe we can come to some kind of an agreement, like maybe we're even now?" I pleaded.

"Where's the fun in that?" he acquired. I looked down, and he sighed, bringing my face up so he was looking into my eyes.

"Madison, would I ever do anything to hurt you?" He questioned, a compassionate look overcoming his features.

"No."

"Exactly."

"Then what was the whole 'best served cold' stuff?"

"I'm not telling, but I can promise that it will not involve pain." he assured me. I glanced at him, not to sure. He smiled and went back to concentrating on his results, and as soon as he had them, he walked past me, smirking as he did. I looked around worriedly, and then made my exit.

That night, I was sleeping so peacefully, dreaming something about Johnny Depp with chocolate icecream when a frantic knocking sounded at my door. I bolted upright, and grabbed my gun from my bedside table. I then crept to the door, and looked through the peep hole. Wolfe.

I groaned and flung open the door to reveal a dressed Ryan, who looked quite pleased with himself for barging in at 4 a.m.

"RRYYYYAANNN." I cried, hitting him in the arm, "What in the world. This is not nice"

"Obviously, because you have to work tomorrow, but, I decided to have mercy and decided to make it worth your while."

"I highly doubt that ANYTHING could make you being here right now worth my while." I retorted, crossing my arms in front of my chest. He smirked a grabbed my hand, attempting to take me out of my home. I quickly slid on sandals, after realizing that he really wanted me to follow him.

"You resort to kidnapping now Wolfe. Not smart." I told him, offering a smirk of my own.

"I'm not kidnapping you. Now come on, I promise you'll like it." he insisted. I followed him out the door, and onto the street, where we began walking, side by side.

"Ryan, it's dark outside, what if we get mugged?" I asked, stepping closer to him. He wrapped an arm, protectively around my waist.

"I'll be here to protect you. I've got my gun."

"If I die-"

"You'll kill me?" He replied. I rolled my eyes and walked next to him, enjoying the placement of his arm. After walking a bit longer, I felt sand underneath my feet. I looked around and saw that we were on the beach. Ryan let go of my waist. He nodded for me to go on, and I walked in front of him, taking in the beauty of the waves crashing on the shore. Even in the dark I could still see the dark water washing away the sand. A smile broke out on my face and I looked back at Wolfe, his face mirroring my big smile.

"This was your revenge?" I asked, "Bringing me to the ocean?"

"To watch the sunrise." he finished. I sat down in the sand and he sat next to me, again wrapping an arm around my waist, I leant my head on his shoulder, and let my eyes slowly flutter shut.

"But, I gotta go to work tomorr-"

"No you don't. I traded my day off for yours." he told me, gazing at the horizon. I perked up at this and glared at him.

"Ryan, why would you do that? You need that day more than I do!" I exclaimed. Ryan smiled and looked at the sun that was beginning to show itself.

"Maddie, accept it. It's a thank you. For taking such good care of me last night."

"But—"

"Don't argue."

I smiled, and thanked him, laying my head back down onto his shoulder. It wasn't a romantic gesture, simply one of friendship. As I looked at the rising sun, I realized that being friends with Ryan Wolfe was one thing that I never thought I'd be. I couldn't help the fact that I knew I was slowly falling in love with him. I tried, but to no avail. I was falling, and fast.

We walked back to my apartment, and Ryan put me to bed, and then excused himself to go to work. He promised to call and we agreed to go to a movie later that night, seeing how it was a weekend. After he left, I found myself missing his closeness, and the feeling of his arm around me. I sighed and fell back asleep, not ready to deal with a whole mess of feelings and insecurities that had suddenly brought themselves into play.

**I know, it's probably lame, and there are mistakes, but bear with me. It's late and I'm tired. : reviews are always appreciated. **


	7. Chapter 7

I slept late into the day, which is something that doesn't happen all the time. I reminded to bow down at Wolfe's feet the next time I saw him. Just thinking about him in my overactive brain made my heart skip a beat and I almost giggled. Thankfully, I was able to control my urge. But, as much as I tried, I couldn't bring back the feeling of hate and rage I used to have whenever his name was mentioned. I truly believed that he'd changed.

I'm sure that one of these days, he'll do something so incredibly stupid that I'll rethink everything I had just said, but for the moment, I was enjoying being happy in the fact that he was treating me like a friend, rather than the way he treated me in high school.

I always have to bring that up. It's such a buzz kill, especially when things are starting to work themselves out. Whatever, blame it on my overactive brain. I over analyze absolutely everything. I look for double meanings behind every kind gesture because we all know that no one has pure intentions. Tricking myself into believing that Ryan Wolfe was the one to break the mold would only set me up for pain, anguish, and general heartbreak.

Once again, Miss Cynical ruins everything. I need to change some things about myself, but hey, who doesn't? I physically slapped my forehead, trying to get myself to stop over thinking all the small details.

The majority of my day was spent running errands, grocery shopping, even buying some new clothes. It felt nice to know that even if someone was killed while I was trying on those killer red pumps, I didn't have to be anywhere near it. Thanks to Ryan. A thought occurred to me then. Ryan was so evil, so mean in school, but his idea of revenge now was to take me to the beach to see the most beautiful sunrise I've ever witnessed. I kid you not, almost started crying right there in the dressing room. Luckily, that day, I was rocking the whole 'emotions in check' thing.

I sat on my couch later, staring at my cell phone. I wouldn't bring myself to admit that I was anxiously awaiting his call. Although, a squeal of delight rang from my lips as I heard the familiar ring. So I'm 2 for 3 in the emotions department today. Sue me.

"Hello, this is an incredibly well rested, happy, Madison Wallace, how may I help you tonight?" I asked, smiling as I said it.

"This is an incredibly tired, angry and down trodden Ryan Wolfe, I'm really not one for sarcasm tonight." he answered. I instantly frowned and even considered hanging up.

"So you take it out on me?" I asked incredulously.

"This is the last time I ever give up my day off for you," he said. I knew his eyes were closed, and he probably had his hand on the back of his neck. So I notice things. "The case was ridiculous, creepy, and not to mention, involved a small child being beaten to death."

Now I really felt bad.

"Ryan, I'm sorry, I didn't realize what a crummy day you had. I'm sorry." I told him, my voice softening.

"It's no big deal." he said, his macho-ness suddenly returning.

"Obviously it is. Look, why don't you come over. I'll order pizza and we can watch as many sappy love stories as I own."

"Why would I want to watch chick flicks, Maddie? You're really killing the small bit of dignity I have left." he said, with a small smile evident in his voice.

"Because they're a complete departure from the madness of the world we work in. No children are beaten to death in When Harry Met Sally." I stated, matter-o-factly.

"And the girl has a point," he said, "I'll be over in twenty."

The longest twenty minutes of my life were spent waiting for that man to arrive. When he finally did, I smiled and walked quickly to the door. I opened it to reveal a very upset Ryan Wolfe. I gave him a look of sympathy which he returned with a frown. You know, the cute one he does when he's interrogating a killer? I love that.

"Bad day?" I asked.

"Stupid question?" he retorted. He pushed past me into my condo and sat himself on the couch. I sat down at the opposite end and studied him for moment. He had his head tilted back, eyes close, exposing his neck, which I might add, is tan, and amazing. He must have caught me staring because he looked at me with an eyebrow raised.

"See something you like Wallace?" he asked with a smile. I blushed and got up, excusing myself to get something to drink. Ryan smirked and closed his eyes again. He re-opened them when I sat down and handed him some water.

"I would give you something stronger, but I don't drink, and after the other night, I really don't think you need alcohol. Ever again." I told him, smirking. He returned it and sighed, yet again closing his eyes. I smiled and turned my gaze to the TV, where some lame TV movie was playing. The doorbell then rang reminding me of the pizza that I had ordered. They don't lie, they really so get there in under forty minutes. I'm impressed.

I paid and sat the box down on the coffee table, where Ryan looked up and yawned.

"I was going to pay for it-" he started, but I cut him off with a roll of my eyes.

"Save it, now, what do you want to watch first?" I inquired, searching my vast collection on DVD's.

"I don't know. I don't normally watch chick flicks." he said with a grin.

"Liar." I replied. I knew he watched them with his sister. I knew his sister well in high school.

"How do you know?" he asked, giving me a strange look. I really need to be more careful.

"Well, uh, most men, contrary to popular belief have seen at least one girly movie. I mean, that is, if they want to hold a steady girlfriend." Perfect comeback. Ryan laughed out loud and came to sit next to me on the floor. He looked over the collection for a moment then grabbed one. I looked over his should to see the name.

"Sixteen Candles?" I asked.

"It's one of my sister's favourites. She used to make me watch it with her all the time." he said, handing me the DVD. I put it in with a shrug and sat back down in my place on the couch. This time though, we were much closer than before. Ryan was concentrated on the movie, but I was concentrated on the arm that had found itself around me. I found that I was having trouble breathing. Probably because of his that were fingers were playing with my hair. I shivered at his touch and he looked over, and asked if I was cold. I shook my head no and he nodded and returned his concentration to the screen.

I must have finally calmed myself down, because I fell asleep after I put the second movie, which happened to be Casablanca, in. I felt my eyes becoming so heavy, that I had to close them. Ryan adjusted me gently so that my head was on a pillow in his lap. Normally, I would have flipped out, but I was simply too tired. I heard the credits roll, and looked up at his face. His eyes were wide, and he showed no signs of being tired.

"I thought you were tired?" I said.

"I am. But I can't sleep. I can't get the image of that little girl out of my head." he told me. I sat up, and wrapped my arms around his neck, hoping that a small amount of comfort would help, if only a little.

"Why don't you just stay here tonight?" It was a request, and he knew it. He looked at me with question and I gave him an affirmative stare. He nodded and I pulled him off the couch, and towards my bedroom. There was no lust, or desire in either his, or my eyes. Mine showed a desire to sleep, and his showed a desire to forget. Forget everything.

We laid together, in the dark. There were no roaming hands, nor shallow breathing. Ryan's eyes were still wide, and mine were close to shutting for the night. I reached down, and intertwined my hand with his. He brought it up to his lips and kissed it softly. I blushed, and even though he couldn't see it, I know that he knew the affect it had on me.

He leant over slowly, and captured my lips in a soft kiss. My mind was so clouded with sleep that I couldn't fully process what was going on. My mind was screaming to stop, that this wasn't the right thing, that I hated him, and he would hate me too, of he knew who I really was.

But all that was silenced by his lips as they moved over mine. There was nothing coherent that went through my mind in the minutes after that. All I could do was surrender to the way it felt. It felt amazing. I found myself kissing him back. They weren't urgent, heated kisses. They were sweet, slow and meaningful. Ryan was the on who pulled away, out of lack of oxygen. He ran a hand through my hair and kissed my forehead.

"I'm sorry, Madison." he said, guiltily. I replied with a small kiss on his mouth and pulled back, not able to keep my eyes open any longer.

"Ryan, sleep. We'll talk in the morning." I murmured, "Just, please, don't be gone when I wake up."

"I won't leave you." he assured, finally, closing his eyes, and letting sleep claim him. Warning bells were still going off in my mind like crazy, but I was too exhausted to listen to them. Our still intertwined hands stayed that way, and I too, finally let sleep claim me.

**Once again, not beta'd, so mistakes are likely. I'm sorry, but I'm only human. reviews are nice. aha.**


	8. Chapter 8

Dread. Fear. Regret. All were flooding so fast into my mind that I felt as if I would throw up. I'd done a bad thing. I'd let him kiss me. I had let myself kiss him back. I let him spend the night, in my bed. I closed my eyes tightly, willing it all to disappear. I slowly opened them again, but there he was, sleeping peacefully next to me, his arm possessively holding onto me around the waist. I groaned, and untangled myself from Wolfe. I paced around the room slowly, never taking my eyes off of him.

He's so gorgeous. All I wanted was to lay back down with him. I couldn't.

"Why are you pacing?" he asked, sleep still evident in his voice. I gawked at him, and began to chew my nails nervously. He rolled his eyes and his arms shot out from the blankets and grabbed my arm. This caused me to fall back onto the bed next to him. He frowned at me and waited for an explanation.

"It—It's nothing." I finally said. I smiled, and he rolled his eyes, motioning for me to get back in bed. I obliged and crawled under the covers with him, as his arm returned around my waist. It honestly was bliss. I knew that one day, I'd have to tell him. He'd have to find out. That day was not today, though, and I was content to enjoy being in his arms.

"Are you alright with this?" he asked, glancing unsurely at me.

"I think so." I replied. Ryan smiled and kissed my temple softly.

"What about that?" he asked.

"Mhhm." I said, smiling. He then kissed my lips softly.

"And that?"

"Most definitely." I told him, my smiled becoming wider. He kissed my neck, leaving a train down to my shoulder.

"What about that?" he questioned cheekily.

"I don't know, maybe you should do it again?" I said. He laughed and returned his lips to my neck. Oh yeah, this was complete bliss. And I had completely fallen in love.

"Maddie, I think I'm falling in love with you." he admitted. I almost couldn't make out the words because his face was hidden in the curve of my neck. My breath hitched and I felt my stomach flip-flop. I made him look at me, silently asking if he really meant it. He nodded, and my face broke out in a wide grin.

"You have no idea how amazing it feels to hear you say that." I told him, my eyes filling up with tears. He wiped them away as they fell onto my cheeks, and held me tighter against his body.

"Why?" he asked, looking at me like it was the most obvious thing in the world that he was falling in love with me.

"Because I already fell." I said, kissing him. He smiled and returned the kiss. _He really is an amazing kisser. _

**it's short, I know, but this is all that really needed to be said. it's cute. **


	9. Chapter 9

Ryan stayed at my condo late into the afternoon, before he finally decided that he needed a shower, and change of clothes. Since he had slept in all of his clothes the night before, I could tell the OCD was beginning to take a large effect. I'm sure that once he got there, he probably had to clean the whole place as well. I think it's endearing. But I also think that ferrets are the cutest animals ever, so what do I know.

I decided that my own condo needed a bit of tidying up, and a Saturday seemed like the perfect time, so I made myself actually clean. I felt very accomplished after three hours and I'm sure that I annihilated a whole colony of dust bunnies. Then, I took a shower myself, and prepared for another cozy night in. Those plans were quickly interrupted when my cell began to ring. The display said "Wolfe" and I smiled as I picked it up.

"Hello." I stated.

"Hi. What are you doing?" he asked.

"I'm sitting on my couch getting ready to watch a movie."

"Is that all you do? Watch movies?" he inquired.

"What do you want Ryan?" I demanded. He laughed and I rolled my eyes at the fact that he got so much enjoyment out of annoying me.

"I wanted to take you out to dinner, but seeing as how you've got 'movies' to watch, I guess I'll just have to take someone else." he told me, trying his best to act serious.

"I guess you will." I retorted. "I hear that the new girl in trace is quite the slut."

"Ouch." he said.

"What time do you need me to be ready?" I asked softly, letting him know how much I really did want to go.

"Can you manage 6:00?" he asked.

"I can indeed." I replied, "What do I wear?"

"Something nice. How about that red dress I saw hanging on your door this morning. I bet that looks fantastic on you."

"Sure."

"Great, I'll pick you up at six." He hung up and I began the process of getting ready. I'm not very high maintenance, so I was ready by 5:30. The dress that Ryan spoke of was a simple, crimson, halter that left a lot to be imagined. At my funeral, no one can accuse me of being too provocative, that's for sure. I guess I'm just modest. True to his word, Ryan arrived exactly at six. I opened the door and watched as his eyes danced with approval of my outfit.

"You look amazing." he told me, kissing my cheek. I blushed and mumbled a 'thank-you'. He didn't look bad either, in khaki slacks with a black, dress shirt. I allowed him to open the car door for me, which is something that I think all men should do on dates. Call me old-fashioned. The ride to our destination was filled with conversation. Since Ryan and I had become closer, nothing seemed awkward anymore. I could talk with him as if he was my best friend. I think we were becoming best friends. Do people usually kiss their best friends? A lot? I don't think so.

"Something on your mind?" Ryan asked, noticing that I was off in my own little world.

"Are you my boyfriend now?" I blurted. My hand flew to my mouth in shock. That was most definitely not what I wanted to say out loud. Ryan looked at me and laughed.

"That depends. Are you my girlfriend?"

"Depends on if you're my boyfriend." I challenged. He smiled, and I relaxed. Leave it to Ryan to not make a big deal out of something this HUGE.

"Do you want me to be your boyfriend?" he asked, still smiling.

"Y-yes." I replied, avoiding his eyes.

"Then it's settled. I'm your boyfriend, and you're my girlfriend. Now let's go inside, I'm starving."

I looked at him and shook my head in disbelief. He leaned over slowly and captured my lips in a soft, kiss, affirming the fact that I indeed was his, and he was mine. A smile crossed my features and as we walked into the restaurant, I grabbed his hand and held it tightly in my own. Ryan squeezed it lightly and kissed my cheek once more.

Dinner was spent finding out just about everything there was to know about each other. Ryan talked about high school, a subject that I avoided with all costs. I left it at 'high school was tough, and brings back horrible memories'. Ryan accepted that, and didn't question any further, to which I was completely relieved. We explained our childhoods, me leaving out the part where I moved to Boston in the 9th grade. We talked about college, our plans for the future, and even work to some extent. After paying for dinner, which I'm sure was very expensive, Ryan took me home.

He kissed me goodnight, but didn't ask to come in, or spend the night. I probably wouldn't have let him anyways. The point is, that he has indeed turned into quite the gentleman. As he was leaving, I called his name and he turned around.

"Ryan, is this, me and you, is it going to cause 'conflict' at work?" I asked, unsure.

_Please say no. Please say no._

"We're not going to let it." He stated simply, smiling. He then got in his car and drove away, leaving me with a smile a promise of a bright tomorrow, probably to be spent with him.

**not beta'd. short. but cute. this is really the point where the relationship takes over. the angst will show up again later, but right now, I want it to be super cute. hope you enjoyed. reviews are always appreciated. **


	10. Chapter 10

Finally, after about twenty minutes, three trips around the whole lab, and about thirty phone calls, I found Ryan. That's when I saw him. That stupid 'documentarian'. Trouble Maker would be a much more appropriate title for that slimy little bugger. Ryan looked frustrated and I was sure that it was because of the camera that was presently being stuck in his face. My brain told me to turn around, and not to get involved with his stupid "public service."

I then remembered Calleigh telling me about how they had barely solved a case earlier because Ryan had compromised the only evidence so it would "pop" on film. I really felt bad for Ryan. For about five seconds. My pity soon turned into annoyance as I walked up and saw him actually wink into the camera. He look up and smiled at me, but I only rolled my eyes, turned and began to walk away.

"Maddie, wait!" I heard him cry. I really wanted to just walk away, but against my better judgment, I stopped, sighed, and waited for him to catch up to me.

"What?!" I said, a bit more aggressive than I meant to.

"What's wrong?" Ryan asked. I began to answer, but then I saw the minion coming towards us.

"I'm not talking to you on camera." I whispered. Ryan gave me a 'Are-you-serious' look, and I threw back a 'I'm-not-kidding-get-away' look.

"Come on Madison." He pleaded, turning his back to the camera in an effort to shield me from the evil minion. The minion didn't mind though, he just moved over so he had a better angle. Ryan glared at him and took my hand. He led me into the nearby locker room and locked the door behind us. He turned to me with an expectant look, motioning for me to speak.

"Ryan, this is RIDICULOUS!" I told him, my voice rising slightly.

"Maddie, I know, but it's only for a little while, and someone needs to shed some positive light on-"

"Horatio only agreed to let you do this if it didn't mess with your work, but from what I hear, it is, in a big way. Oh, and a 'positive light'? You call, letting the public know that you care more about how the luminol 'pops' on film more than putting a criminal behind bars, positive!" I roared. That was the wrong thing to say. Evidently, Ryan Wolfe hates it when you question his work. It hurts his pride, I suppose.

"When I want your opinion on how I do my job, I'll ask for it." he spat at me, even though his eyes didn't match his voice. His eyes were sad, embarrassed, and hurt, compared to his voice, which was venomous and bitter.

"Ryan, I just don't want you to get yourself in trouble." I admitted quietly. I looked up at him, my eyes pleading with him to forgive the harsh, yet true things that I had said. Ryan's eyes still held hurt, but I could tell he was quickly becoming angry with me.

"I can take care of myself. I don't need you, or want you to do it for me, Madison." he told me, venom in every word. He then smirked bitterly, shook his head and walked out, leaving me alone.

I felt hot tears prickling my eyes, threatening to spill out. I let them. I sat down on a bench and cried. I cried until I became sick. I wasn't sure why I was crying so much, although, it might have had something to do with the things he's said to me. He didn't want me to take care of him. He didn't need me. He didn't want me. A fresh wave of tears formed in my eyes, but I hastily wiped them away. I regained my composure, and walked out.

I somehow ended up at the morgue, which was convenient because Alexx was finished processing my dead body from that morning. I walked in and she smiled for a moment, before noticing my red, puffy eyes.

"Baby, what happened?" she asked, hurrying to me side. Alexx treated me as one of her own daughters and I was eternally grateful for her.

"Nothing, a stupid boy made me cry." I told her, laughing lightly.

"Which stupid boy? Now I know Eric wouldn't do such a thing, and I've never heard Horatio raise his voice to a member of his team, so that only leaves one." she said, giving me a knowing look.

"Alexx, really, it's no big deal. It was really my fault anyways." I tried.

"Ryan tends to lose his temper." She stated matter-o-factly. "But that gives him no excuse to make you cry. You tell him to watch himself, or he'll be hearing from me." she told me, squeezing me hand tightly. I laughed genuinely and she began to tell me cause of death, which was blunt force trauma, and time of death, which happened to be 7:30 the previous morning. I thanked her and left, but as I was doing so, I saw Ryan entering the morgue. I looked at the ground as I passed him, but he stopped me.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. He didn't speak in anger, only in question.

"Alexx was busy and she just now got done with my DB." I told him quietly. He nodded and looked towards the door.

"She just paged me. Said it was urgent. Know why?" he asked. I smirked, but shook my head no. He shrugged and made his way in, and soon after, I heard several smacks and cries of "Ouch, Alexx, wait!"

A huge grin manifested itself onto my face, and for some reason, I just couldn't wipe it off for the rest of the day.

**Sorry for mistakes. review please.**


	11. Chapter 11

Obviously, I'm not the only one who is good at staying mad for extended periods of time. I expected that Ryan would call me later that night, and we'd work things out. He most definitely did not. Eventually, I gave up my staring contest with my cell phone and went to bed, exhausted from the drama of the long day.

As much as my mind wanted to stay awake and dwell on all possible implications of my conversation with Ryan, my body forced me to go to sleep. I awoke short thereafter to the sound of my annoying cell phone. I thought through, and realized that my cell phone had woken me up the last week, and I was beginning to think that it deserved to be thrown into the ocean. Against better judgment, which told me to let it go to voicemail, I grabbed for it blindly. I flipped it open, and realized that it was none other than Wolfe.

"Hello?" I answered warily.

"I can't sleep." he stated simply.

"I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do about-"

"Can I come over?" he asked, his voice small, pleading. I debated in my mind, but finally, that sad voice broke my heart.

"I thought you didn't need, or want me to take care of you." I asked. My heart may have broken, but even I couldn't resist a bit of sarcasm.

"I lie when I'm angry." he told me, as if it was the most obvious thing ever. I laughed lightly and rolled my eyes.

"Come on over, Ryan." I finally agreed. He mumbled an okay and hung up. I looked towards the clock and my jaw fell open when I noticed that it was the middle of the night. Taking care of Ryan Wolfe requires late nights and early mornings, but I don't think I'd have it any other way. I deiced that I should get up and wait for him, so I padded into the kitchen and began making some tea. About fifteen minutes later, my doorbell rang. I opened it and smiled at his disheveled appearance. He wore a sweatshirt that said "Boston College" and baggy sweatpants with running shoes. His hair was sticking up and his eyes were bloodshot. It really was cute, I promise.

No sooner had I opened the door, Ryan stepped in, closed the door, and pinned me to the wall. I gasped at his quick movement, but relaxed as I felt his lips crash into my own. The kiss wasn't soft, like our usual ones. This one was an apology, and a request for forgiveness.

"I'm sorry" He mumbled into the kiss. I pulled back and searched his eyes, looking for sincerity. I found it.

"I was only trying to help." I said, kissing his shoulder, through the thick material of the sweatshirt.

"I know. It was—it was just a long day." he admitted, pulling me into an embrace.

"We all have our days." I stated simply, applying a chaste kiss to his mouth. I pulled back and he leant in so our foreheads were touching. Nothing could describe how perfect that moment was, to this day. There was no hostility or anger. Now when I looked into his eyes, I didn't hear the voices of teenagers making fun of me. I didn't feel the embarrassment that he'd caused. I only felt my heart swell with love for this man, who'd turned out to surprise me more than I ever could have imagined.

"I could sleep knowing that you were upset with me." he said, guiding me into my bedroom.

"Funny, because I wasn't having any trouble at all." I teased, earning a stern glare and a soft smack on the butt. I giggled, which again is rare, and snuggled up next to him on the bed. His arms wrapped around me tightly, and I felt him relax against me. I kissed him again; a gesture which I hope showed him that I indeed forgave any wrongdoing. Ryan smiled and closed his eyes.

"You know what?" he asked.

"What?" I replied.

"It scares me sometimes, how fast I'm falling in love with you. I'm not like this. I never apologize first, except with Calleigh. I'm not used to thinking about someone other than myself. When I'm with you, everything is fine, but when I'm without you, everything gets so messed up, and I can barely function. This feeling is so foreign to me. I've never felt like this with anyone, and I honestly don't think I ever will again."

Now, if you know Ryan Wolfe at all, you know that these statements are completely out of character for him. I'd bet that even his closest friends and co-workers would be shocked to hear him utter these words. Take that amount of shock, and multiply it by a thousand. I was deeply touched by the things he said. This confirmed my prayers that Ryan Wolfe had indeed changed, because the man I knew in high school wouldn't have ever said those things.

At that moment, every last wall that I had built around myself came crashing down. I felt my eyes well up with tears and I couldn't help but let them out. He looked concerned for a moment, but then I smiled and he relaxed, realizing that I was fine. I kissed him gently and he wiped away the few renegade tears that had fallen.

"You do realize that the things that you just told me have made it clear that I have fallen completely in love with you, right?" I asked, tearfully, clinging to him.

"I'm glad. I hate rejection."

b blah blah. anyways, I hope you liked it. I know I promised more angst, but Christmas is here and I was in the mood for sweetnessss. hope you enjoyed. Happy Holidays. /b 


	12. Chapter 12

**MAJOR spoilers for season 5, episode 15 "Man Down"**

Ryan spent the night in my bed, as he had done so many nights before. I was so exhausted, that I vaguely remembered him placing a soft kiss on my lips as he left the next morning. I had the day off, so I took advantage of that and slept until ten thirty. As I got out of the shower, I heard my phone ringing. I figured that it was Ryan and that I'd just call him back in a few minutes.

I walked over to the phone that was sitting on my dresser. It was Ryan, and I smiled as I flipped it open. I dialed his number and began to look for clothes to wear for the day.

"Maddie?!" he asked, his voice sounding strained.

"Ryan, what's wrong?" I asked, immediately realizing that something bad had happened. I heard him take a deep breath, preparing himself.

"Maddie, Eric was shot. He's not-" his voice broke, "he's not doing too well."

My eyes widened and I sank to the ground in shock. My mind was flashing pictures of a bloody Delko, fighting for his life.

"Where are you, Ryan?" I asked frantically, dressing quickly.

"DADE Memorial." he answered.

"I'll be there in ten minutes."

I don't think that I've ever driven so fast in my life. It actually only took me seven minutes to get to the hospital. As soon as I arrived, I ran inside, where I saw Ryan waiting for me. He looked grave, and he was pale. I was positive that he was going to ware a hole in the floor from pacing so much. Next to him, Calleigh was sitting with her head down, silent tears falling from her face. Horatio stood by the window, staring straight ahead. I walked up to Ryan, and forced him to stop. He looked at me with worried eyes, but didn't say anything. I walked towards Horatio, gathering the courage to ask a forbidden question.

"Horatio, what happened?" I asked, my eyes filling with tears as I looked in a saw Eric, laying in a bed, with tubes everywhere. Horatio looked at Eric, then to me with a shameful countenance. The answer was obvious, and I regretted even asking.

"He was shot, by a suspect at our scene."

I left it at that. I knew of the death of Tim Speedle, and realized that no one at the lab could afford to lose another member. I nodded and walked back to Ryan and Calleigh. I sat next to Calleigh and wrapped my arms around her, attempting to bring her comfort. She looked up at me, with a tearful smile.

"They won't tell us anything, Maddie." she cried. I felt utterly helpless. I hadn't been with the team long, and most of my free time was spent with Ryan. I really hadn't been able to get to know Eric very well, but the few cases we worked together had been a success, and we were becoming closer. The notion that I might lose him broke my heart, but it broke even more for the people around me. The people who had spent years of their life working with Eric. I hugged Calleigh as she cried. She excused herself to go to the restroom, and Ryan took the now vacant seat next to me. I could see that his eyes were red rimmed, from tears that he refused to let fall.

I took his hand, as I had done the day at the crime scene. He looked at our joined hands and smiled, softly kissing my hand.

"What is the doctor saying?" I asked carefully.

"Not much at all. He lost a lot of blood. They thought they lost him in the ambulance. When Calleigh and I got here, no one would give us any details." he replied, shaking his head.

"Mister Wolfe?" Horatio asked quietly. Ryan stood and walked over to him. They shared a few words and Ryan nodded. Calleigh came out of the bathroom, and Ryan whispered a few words to her. She shook her head and they began to walk towards me.

"We're going to the scene." Ryan informed me. "Will you stay here and call if anything changes?"

"Of course." I replied. Ryan thanked me and kissed my cheek before walking out with Calleigh. I sighed and sat back down. It wasn't long before Horatio joined me. I lifted my head to meet his gaze and noticed that he looked much older. He wore a haggard expression, as if the weight of the world had suddenly fallen on his shoulders.

"I know you probably don't want to hear this, but it's not your fault." I told him, showing a sympathetic smile.

"It is my fault this time, Madison." he admitted sadly. We fell into a comfortable silence until the doctor came back out. Horatio immediately stood and demanded to know how Eric was.

"It's most difficult to say at this time." the doctor explained. I hated the sugar coating that he was applying to the situation. Horatio must have as well because he cut straight to the chase.

"Is my officer going to die?" he asked. The doctor looked at him stunned, but answered with another 'we don't know at this time.' Horatio nodded and sat back down.

"Why don't you take a walk, or get something to drink?" I offered. "I'll stay with him."

Horatio smiled at me and nodded. He stood and walked towards the exit, rubbing the back of his neck. His eyes shot me a pleading glance, as if trying to convince himself that he wasn't abandoning Delko.

"I'm here H. I'll call if I find out anything." I promised. He nodded and walked out. I made my way to the window and let my eyes drift over Eric's comatose state.

"You can go in a see him if you'd life. He's not awake, but-" a passing nurse offered. I thanked her and walked into the room. I brought a chair next to his bed and sat down, taking one of his hands in mine.

His head was wrapped in bandages from where the bullet had his face. He looked nothing like the Eric Delko that I knew. He was completely vulnerable, a situation that I personally had never seen. I sat with him for hours, but no news was delivered from the doctor. Horatio came back, but satisfied that I had it under control, left again saying something about having a suspect.

Ryan called a few times, and said that evidence pointed to one Calvo Cruz, whom Horatio had dealt with before. I remained at my post next to Eric's bed. His parents came in and I stepped out for a while, to give them time with their sun. Alexx came by as well, her eyes filled with tears as she hugged me.

Horatio made me leave at about twelve o'clock that night. I had been there almost twelve hours and my body was stiff and tired. I tried to call Ryan, but I figured that he was asleep, with the emotional strain finally taking its toll. I drove over to his condo, and to my surprise, his lights were on. I curiously got out of my car and walked to his doorstep.

I knocked and he answered, in pajamas. His eyes were troubled and he looked like a wreck. We stood in silence for a moment before I spoke.

"I tried to call you when I left the hospital, but you didn't answer." I told him.

"I must have left it in the car." he reasoned, looking around for it aimlessly. I offered a small, sad smile as I enveloped him in my arms. He relaxed into my embrace and led me to the couch. We sat in silence for a while, him holding onto me tightly, while I ran my ringers through his hair.

"It was so hard to process the scene." he told me, his voice lacking its usual confidence. "Knowing that it was Delko's blood that I was swabbing. I couldn't do it. Calleigh broke down and started talking about Speed, and I was a mess, and she was a mess, and I needed you, but you were with Eric and-"

"I know, Ryan." I mumbled, as I held his trembling form in my arms. It was difficult to know exactly how to comfort him. I knew that things between he and Eric had been a little shaky, but I also knew that he cared about his friends. I couldn't find the words that could adequately comfort him. Or Calleigh. Or Alexx. Or Eric's parents. Or Horatio. I felt completely useless.

"He's gotta be alright, Maddie. He has too." Ryan pleaded.

**a/n: please excuse all mistakes. not beta'd. enjoy.**


	13. Chapter 13

For some reason, Horatio gave me the unlikely job of staying with Eric at the hospital. So, for five days, I sat by his side, while the rest of the team carried on with cases. After the third day, Eric woke up. He was a little surprised that it was me next to him, instead of Horatio or Calleigh, but he enjoyed my company anyways.

We became closer in those days. By the end of the week, it was as if we had known each other all our life. We didn't speak of the shooting, because neither one of us cared to ruin our semi-good moods. He asked about Ryan and me, and somehow he knew of our relationship.

"You know, I remember distinctly, Ryan saying 'Office relationships, usually, end badly.' But look at you. I think he's okay with that." he told me one day.

"I hope so. I'd hate to have my heart broken now." I told him laughing.

"I think Wolfe is more worried about that." he said.

"What?" I asked. It seemed odd to me, that someone like Ryan would be afraid of losing me.

"He's completely in love with you. He'd do anything for you. Honestly, it's disgusting how much he cares about you." he told me, rolling his eyes. I chuckled, but then a somber look overcame my features.

"Oh god." I said. Then it hit me. I was lying to him. I was the one who was possibly putting this relationship in jeopardy.

"What's wrong Maddie?"

"Eric. I've been lying to Ryan."

"About what!?"

Then, I told him the story, all of it. Every single detail. When I finished, Eric staring at be in disbelief. I was terrified that he was disgusted with me, and mad that I'd kept things from Ryan.

"Wow. He treated you like that?" he asked.

"He did. But, he's so different now. But I can't help but wonder if he'd feel different about me if he knew who I was." I confessed.

"Maddie, I don't think anything you could tell Wolfe would make him feel differently about you. But I do think you should tell him, before someone else does." he told him. I nodded and we fell into a comfortable silence. I shot him a curious glance and he nodded. "Madison, go talk to him."

I left the hospital, promising to return the next day. As I drove to Ryan's condo, that familiar feeling of dread hit me like a bullet. I was suddenly more insecure than I had ever been. I sat in my car for about 20 minutes before I saw Ryan coming out his door.

"Maddie, what are you doing out here?" he asked, laughing. He opened my door, and pulled me out of the car, placing a sweet kiss on my lips. He made to lead me inside, but I stopped him, standing my ground by my car door.

"Ryan, there's something I need to tell you."

"Madiso—"

"No, let me get it out before I chicken out and leave."

"Alright." he said slowly, I could tell he was getting nervous about what I was going to say. There was no way he was as nervous as I was.

"I haven't been completely honest with you." I admitted. He looked alarmed, and I felt tears forming in my eyes. "Do you remember your junior year, what you did to that girl, at Homecoming?" Oh yeah, there were definitely tears now.

"Wha- how do you know about that?" he asked, glaring at me.

"BECAUSE IT WAS ME, RYAN." I yelled. My voice was choked with tears, and they only fell faster when I saw the recognition for on his face. Finally, after weeks of him having no idea, _now he finally knew who I really was._

"You mean, you mean, you let me go all time, and you didn't tell me who you were?!" He asked, raising his voice slightly. "Maddie, why? Why would you do that?"

"What does it matter? If anyone has a reason to be hurt, it's me, with all the humiliation you caused me." I retorted. Ryan shook his head in disbelief.

"Maddie, that was seven years ago?! I had completely forgotten."

"I hadn't Ryan." I spat. I was angry with him. I was furious that he didn't remember such a thing. Such a horrible thing.

"You know what; it's not even about that anymore. You lied to me Madison. You lied."

"Well, now we're even, I guess."

"Why are you acting like this?" he begged. "Why didn't you just tell me who you were? Was this all an elaborate plan to get back at me for something that happened in high school?!" he asked. He was getting mad, and I could tell.

"Maybe it was, Wolfe." I told him. It was a complete and total lie, but he didn't have to know that.

"Well, congratulations, you've successfully humiliated me. Are you happy now?! God, Madison!"

"Don't you 'God Madison' me Wolfe. I never planned to fall in love with you. I didn't want to. It just happened." I admitted, the tears falling again. Ryan didn't move. His face turned to stone and his eyes became dark.

"I wish you wouldn't have, Madison. I really wish you wouldn't have."

With that, he turned and walked back inside, slamming the door as he went. I cursed, and got into my car. In an attempt to block him out, I turned the radio on as loud as I could, but it didn't help. The moment I got inside my condo, I broke down. Eric was wrong. What I had told Ryan had made him feel differently. Now he hated me. The worst part was...

It was my entire fault.

_**You are my sweetest downfall**_

_**I loved you first**_

_**-**Regina Spektor, "Samson"_


	14. Chapter 14

Determined. One word that always described my mindset. Setbacks were just that; a temporary obstacle that could be removed with no emotional consequences. Ryan Wolfe was simply just a setback.

For about a week, I began to think that I'd have to quit my job, and move back home to Boston. But then, then I realized that it was quite possibly the stupidest thing I'd ever thought up. I didn't become a CSI for Ryan Wolfe, and I wouldn't quit being one because of him.

Determination took on its own life at that moment in time. I became numb to every broken hearted song on the radio, and even began to heal. I was excelling at my work even more than before, and I was the most focused I'd ever been in my entire life.

_In the day  
In the night  
Say it right  
Say it all  
You either got it  
Or you don't  
You either stand or you fall  
When your will is broken  
When it slips from your hand  
When there's no time for joking  
There's a hole in the plan_

Even through my new found determination, I was still broken. Beginning to heal doesn't mean you're there yet. I told no one of our split. Not Calleigh. Not Alexx. Not Eric. I didn't want Eric to feel bad, because he told me to do it in the first place. Blaming Eric wasn't right. The truth was that I should have told Ryan who I was the first day I started at Miami DADE. Maybe I did want to hurt him, somewhere deep in my subconscious.

That was ridiculous. Come on.

I did however get to the point where all the glares he was sending me at work became unbearable. I began to hate him. I hated him because he lied. He never loved me. You don't give up on love so easily.

_Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me  
No you don't mean nothing at all to me  
But you got what it takes to set me free  
Oh you could mean everything to me_

If he loved me, he would have forgiven me. Obviously he didn't. If he loved me, he wouldn't make me cry. If he loved me, he wouldn't send me those looks. No, he never loved me. He loved being loved, because God knows that I loved him with all my heart.

Not now. Now I hated him. I hated his eyes. I hated his smile. I hated his laugh. I hated how much I really still loved him. With everything I had. You don't give up on what you love. I was never loved.

It was alright, and it was nice not to be so alone. Now it was over. I would move on. I **had** to move on. He wasn't the first, or the last, but he was the worst. My heart became hard. He didn't mean anything to me anymore.

Or at least that's what I made him believe.

_I can't say that I'm not lost and at fault  
I can't say that I don't love the light and the dark  
I can't say that I don't know that I am alive  
And all of what I feel I could show  
You tonight you tonight_

I would like to believe that what we had was real, but then the logical part of my brain, the part that begged me to stay away from him in the first place, told me it was all fake. I was conflicted. Hah, story of my life.

I don't know how, but Horatio noticed. I have no idea how that man knows everything that goes on, but he does. He paid me a visit one day, while I was working in trace.

"Madison, can I ask you something?" he questioned.

"Anything, H." I replied, brightly. It's all a façade.

"Did something happen between you and Mr. Wolfe?"

I do believe that my jaw dropped at the moment.

"Wh-Well, uh-" I stammered.

"I'll take that as a yes. Whatever it is Madison, I must tell you that he seems miserable. For his job's sake, please make it right."

With that, he walked out, sliding his sunglasses on. Never ceases to amaze me, Horatio Caine. I let out a laugh at the idea of Ryan being so upset. So I wasn't the only one struggling.

_Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me  
No you don't mean nothing at all to me  
But you got what it takes to set me free  
Oh you could mean everything to me_

Let the big bad Wolfe cry. See if I care.


	15. Chapter 15

I actually had to work a case with him. Blame it on seniority. Since Eric was still recovering, Calleigh got to head up her own case, for which she asked Natalia to help. That left Ryan, and me. For a moment, I thought it might be a good thing, because it might help ease the tension that had formed in the last week.

Ryan, on the other hand, was none too thrilled. The glare he gave Calleigh was cold enough to freeze hell, but she only smiled brightly. Horatio must have told her.

They're all plotting against me, I swear.

I sighed, and resigned myself to the fact that working with him was something that had to happen, and I might as well get used to it. We grabbed out kits, and walked silently to the Hummer. Only this time, Ryan didn't open the door for me, as he did so many times before. He offered to let me drive, but I declined and took my place in the passenger seat. I looked over at him several times throughout the ride to the scene, but he didn't seem to notice, or care.

What struck me the most was his disheveled appearance. He had dark circles under his eyes and his clothes weren't as crisp as usual. Was our breakup really having that much of an effect on him? Regardless, he was too proud to admit it anyways.

The ride was ghostly quiet, and it scared me. I hated the walls that were separating us, but I knew it was mostly, still my fault. I couldn't break down and apologize, because there was no way Ryan was ready to forgive me yet. Not to mention that I wasn't ready to forgive him either. I was lost in my own little world, until I heard his door slam. I looked over and saw that he was already starting towards the scene. I groaned and cursed his lack of ability to be civil.

When I joined him in the house, he was already dusting for prints. He nodded towards the camera next to his kit. I shook my head in response and picked it up. I began to take photos of the body, which was severely mangled. Ryan was swabbing and dusting and the whole time, he didn't say a word to me. I'd finally had enough.

"You know, if you want to work this yourself, be my guest. But if you'd like help, I suggest you start filling me in now." I ranted. Ryan looked up in surprise at my outburst, and smirked.

"Alright. There was no sign of forced entry, the body was stabbed, according to Alexx, nine times, there are only smudges on the bedside table and I found some purple fibers on our victims body, which I think are silk, but I could be wrong." he said, with the most attitude that I've ever seen him exhibit. You might even call it "sassy".

"Why must you be so childish?" I muttered.

"Why must you be so annoying?" he retorted. I glared at him, and he glared back, before returning to his 'purple, silk fibers, that might not be silk.' That jerk.

"I'm sorry that doing my job causes 'annoyance' to you, but I'm sure you'll get over it." I sassed. Two can play that game, Wolfe.

"No, it's just you. It has nothing to do with the job."

For some odd reason, that hurt. I brushed it off, with some difficulty and pretended not to care.

"So, whoever killed her, must have been let in, seeing how there was no forced entry." I guessed. Ryan shot me a 'duh" look and I threw up my hands in exasperation. "I GIVE UP!" I shouted.

"Calm down. Yes, our killer was let in. The way she was stabbed indicates that the attack was personal." he replied.

"Crime of passion?" I suggested.

"No such thing. Crime of anger, jealousy, rage, maybe. Passion can't spawn murder." he told me, collecting more fibers.

"What can it spawn then?" I asked timidly. Somehow, I knew that this would relate to us, and I walked into it willingly.

"Love." he answered simply. His eyes pierced mine and the emotion that I saw was too much. I turned away and snapped more pictures.

"So, boyfriend comes home, victim is cheating, he gets angry and kills her?" I tried.

"There's no evidence of anyone else being here." Ryan said. "Maybe it was over something else."

"I'll check with Tripp to see if she was seeing anyone." I told him. He nodded and finished processing.

A while later, we were on our way back to the lab. The tension was still there, but it had dissipated a bit at the crime scene. We talked about the case, but nothing else. I wanted him to smile so badly, to talk like we talked before, to tease and joke. He was still cold towards me, but some of the ice had melted.

I was working in the layout room, analyzing the pictures of the crime scene. Ryan came in and offered to help. I agreed and we began to look through the objects at the house, trying to find the murder weapon.

"I found it." I declared happily, holding up at large kitchen knife. The luminol shone brightly and there was no doubt that the knife was big enough to make the stab wounds. Ryan smiled at me for the fist time since the night in his driveway.

"Nice work." he told me. I smiled back, allowing myself to get lost in his smile. I frowned, trying to remind myself how much I hated him now, but it was useless. His pager went off and he left, excusing himself to go talk to Alexx. I completed tagging evidence and began my research on our victim, Allison Shepard's boyfriend, James Barns.

He was a wealthy heir to a billion dollar fortune. His father was the owner of several high rises in the Miami area. I was able to contact him, and he agreed to come into the station for questioning. I called Ryan, to let him know, and he arrived shortly thereafter.

"Mr. Barns, when was the last time you saw Allison?" Ryan asked.

"Ally, oh, uh, gosh, it's been about two weeks. I was out of town with my father on business."

"That's odd, because a neighbor said he saw you at Allison's house just last night." I challenged.

"Yeah, well, you never asked if I'd been there, you asked if I'd seen her. I went over, but she wasn't home." he shot back.

"Her phone records show that she tried to call you sixteen times. Did you speak to her?" Ryan questioned.

"I had my phone on vibrate because I was in meetings all day." James told us, "I didn't check it until I got home. That's when I decided to go over, to check on her."

"What time was that?" I asked.

"Around 7:30."

"Well, autopsy shows that Allison died at about 7:45. So she was home when you came over." I told him. He glared at me and leaned in.

"Are you accusing me of something, Miss Wallace?" He asked.

"I'm following evidence, and at this point, it's not looking too good for you." I retorted. Ryan smirked at my resilience.

"I am the soul heir of a two billion dollar company. You really think I'd jeopardize that for some girl?" He asked, disgusted.

"Her friends told us that you were planning on asking her to marry her, so I highly doubt you really think of her as just 'some girl'" I said.

"Look, bitch-" he started, the anger flashing in his eyes. Ryan stood at that moment, his anger matching James's.

"You don't speak to her like that, you got it?" he threatened. James backed down and demanded a lawyer. Ryan agreed and led me out of the interrogation room. I looked over at him shyly.

"What?" he asked, smiling.

"Thank you." I replied simply.

"For what?"

"For standing up for me." I stated. Ryan simply smiled again and nodded.

"Call me when his lawyer shows up." he requested, before walking away.

Things were getting better, but we still had a long way to go.


	16. Chapter 16

Valentine's Day sucks.

Not only because of my current situation with Ryan, but because at that moment, I had a psycho pointing a gun in my face. Horatio had asked me to accompany him in the take down of a drug dealer. The guy was low on the food chain, and it was expected to be an easy ordeal. This is why everyone was shocked when the idiot pointed a gun at me. He was too much of a chicken to shoot me; so instead, he did was logical thing, which was to **THROW HIS GUN AT ME.**

I felt it hit my head and I hissed in pain. I heard officers tackle him two seconds later and I growled in annoyance. I felt a hot liquid running down my face and I wiped it off hastily.

"Ms. Wallace, are you aright?" Horatio asked, while helping me up off of the ground.

"I'm fine. That stupid bastard." I growled.

"I'd like you to go get that checked out now, Madison." he ordered. I told him I would, which was a complete and total lie. I hate doctors. I knew that the cut on my eye was deep, from the way it was bleeding, and a doctor would mean stitches, and x-rays, and a lot of pain. No way, José. Horatio nodded and I walked back to my Hummer, before making my way back to the lab. I walked hurriedly down the halls of Miami DADE, praying no one stopped and asked me about the huge cut.

No one seemed to, but alas, then came Ryan Wolfe. I lowered my head ever further as I made my way past him, but he grabbed my arm, forcing me to a halt.

"Madison-" He began. I hate this 'Madison' stuff. Ever since that night, it's always, Madison this, or Madison that. No more Maddie. I guess it's his way of moving on. It's killing me.

"It's nothing, Wolfe." I protested. If he won't call me Maddie, I won't call him Ryan. How childish.

"Maddie, it's not 'nothing'. Your eye has a huge gash and it's still bleeding. Did you go to the ER and have it looked at?" he questioned. His gaze, however, told me he already knew the answer to that question.

"No, H told me to, and I had every intention of doing so but then Valera called with my-"

"Liar. You dismissed the thought of going to the hospital the minute Horatio told you to. You hate doctors. Now come on, you could have a serious concussion!" he said. He's always right. How is he always right, and moreover, how does he know me so well?

"Ryan, please, I'm fine. Pease don't make me go to the ER!" I literally begged. He showed no pity, and pulled me towards the elevator. I reluctantly followed and once inside, slumped against the wall.

"Maddie, who did this to you?" He asked, his eyes softening as he brushed my hair back. It was the first time he'd shown affection towards me since we broke up and in that moment, I realized how much I missed that.

"Some drug dealer. He didn't have the guts to shoot me, so instead he threw his gun at my face." I recalled, laughing at bit at the sheer stupidity of the situation. Ryan, however, didn't find it the least bit funny.

"He pointed a gun in your face?" he asked, his eyes becoming darker. I nodded, and he sighed and rubbed the side of his face. The elevator dinged and the doors opened to reveal the parking lot. Ryan ushered me out to his Hummer and drove the short distance to DADE Memorial.

He sat in the waiting room while the ER doctor assessed my injury. I was correct in my before mentioned regiment of x-rays and pain, but I thought that it might be possible to get out without the stitches. Wrong. The doctor broke the news and I felt tears come to my eyes. Stitches mean they have to numb my eyebrow and numbing means a shot. Oh God.

I requested that Ryan come in and a smirk was evident on his face as he did so. I glared at him, and the toll was quite a lot of pain from my head. I looked at him pleadingly, and in silent agreement, he took my hand, squeezing it a bit in reassurance. The doctor brought the needle to my eyebrow and I closed my eyes tight, a few tears leaking out. Ryan's grip on my hand tightened.

I squeaked in pain, but it all reality, it really wasn't that bad. I opened my eyes after it was over and Ryan wiped away a few tears from my cheeks. I smiled shyly at him, and he smiled back. His hand stayed tightly clasped in mine as the stitches were done. Then the nurse brought in my x-rays and I excused myself to the restroom to calm myself down. When I got back, Ryan was waiting, ready to go. I shot him a questioning glance, obviously wanting the results of the x-ray. He led me out of the ER and back to his Hummer before pulling out his cell phone and calling Horatio.

"H, it's Ryan, yeah…she's okay….stitches, yeah…..concussion too….yeah, I will"

"What!" I yelped. "Concussion? Ryan, come on, clue me in here."

"The doctor said you've got a pretty bad concussion, and that it's not wise for you to be alone." he clarified.

"I can handle it." I promised, glaring at him. He rolled his eyes at me and concentrated on driving. When it came to the exit for my condo, he kept going, earning an annoyed gasp from me. "Ryan, you missed my exit." I told him, pointing backwards.

"That's because you're not going to your condo." He told me, as if it were obvious.

"Then where am I going?" I demanded, my voice raising.

"Home with me." he answered simply.

"WHAT? No. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myse-"

"The doctor said you could begin to feel disoriented and dizzy, and you need to be monitored incase you pass out. That also means you can't sleep until the swelling goes down." he told me.

"I don't care what the doctor said, and since when did you become my guardian?" I questioned angrily.

"Maddie, I know things between us didn't end well, but I do care about you. If you don't do what he says, you could end up hurting yourself even more, or worse, dead." he seethed, his temper finally getting the best of him.

I fell silent in surrender. _I know things between us didn't end well. _That one sentence shattered what was left of my heart. Things were officially over. Done. There was no more us. Only Ryan and Madison. Colleagues. More tears fell down my face, and Ryan looked over worried.

"Are you alright? Is your head hurting?" he asked. I shook my head no, and turned towards the window, hiding my face from his eyes. We arrived at his condo shortly thereafter. Once inside, I sat on the couch, instantly remembering that I had no clothes to wear since we didn't stop at my condo.

"Ryan, I don't have anything to wear-" I began.

"Yes you do. You left some stuff here in your bag a few weeks ago. It's still in my closet." he said. He then walked away, into the kitchen. I replied with a soft 'oh' and began to close my eyes.

"Maddie!" Ryan barked. I bolted up and glared at him, but soon remembered that I couldn't sleep until the medication for my concussion took effect and the swelling went down.

"Sorry." I tried. Ryan shook his head and gave me a cup of coffee, which I presume was to keep me awake. I thanked him and slowly sipped it. He sat down opposite me on the couch and watched as I drank the hot liquid. We fell into a comfortable silence that lasted for a while. Ryan moved closer to me, and my heart started to race and his face came closer to mine. He looked deeply into my eyes, but then pulled back and got up off the couch.

"Your eyes aren't dilated anymore, so I think it's safe for you to get some sleep. Are you dizzy, disoriented?"

"No, I feel fine. I'm just tired." I replied. I was stupid for even hoping that he would kiss me. Things were over. Done. He was over it.

"Alright, you take the bed, and I'll take the couch. You know where everything is. If you need anything, just yell, okay?" he said.

"Sure." I answered meekly. He smiled and I got up and went to the bedroom, shutting the door behind me. I collapsed on the bed in tears, ignoring the pain that was returning to my eye. If I wouldn't have screwed up, Ryan would be here now, with me, in his bed. But instead, he was in the living room, on the couch.

Valentine's Day sucks.


	17. Chapter 17

Waking up the next morning was deja vu. Except I was alone.

I sat up and yawned, trying to focus my still sleepy eyes. I faintly heard the sound of the shower running and grinned knowing that even though I was there, Ryan's routine wouldn't suffer. I laid my head back down, concentrating on getting a few more minutes of sleep. The shower stopped and a few moments later, a towel clad Ryan Wolfe entered the bedroom.

He peeked in first, and then crept in quietly, attempting not to wake me up. I kept my eyes closed, pretending to be asleep, but when he turned away, I cracked open an eye. It had been quite a while since I'd seen him like that and I felt a blush creep onto my cheeks. I sighed contently, which caused Ryan to turn and look at me. I quickly shut my eyes, hoping to God he didn't notice.

"You've seen it before, Madison. No need to blush." He said cheekily. I rolled my eyes and sat up, glaring at him with all of my might.

"It never really did impress me much." I retorted. Ryan raised his eyebrow at me and then started to chuckle lightly.

"Always ready with a cut throat comeback, aren't we Wallace."

"Never was one to lay back and take it Wolfe."

His hateful glare mirrored mine, and suddenly, it all became too much. It was too much because the reality of it was, I still loved him. I loved him more than anything in the world. The glare fell from my face and was replaced by a frown.

"I'm sorry, Ryan." I stated sadly, before getting up and retreating to the door, "I'll leave so you can get ready." Ryan's glare vanished just as quickly and he nodded, handing me the bag which contained my clothing and an extra toothbrush.

"You know where the towels are." he said simply. He then turned back to his closet and began the process of finding something to wear.

"I like the orange shirt, with the black blazer." I told him, offering a small smile.

"Orange shirt and black blazer it is then." he said, smiling back.

My heart soared at his comment and I left the room, intent on taking a very long, hot shower. After I finished and got dressed, I walked into the kitchen to find Ryan sitting and waiting for me.

"Sorry." I said, remembering that he couldn't leave without me, seeing as how I had no other way to work.

"No problem." he replied. I winced as a sharp pain flooded through my head. Ryan stopped and looked at me in question. A look of realization came upon him, and he went to the cabinet above the sink. From it, he retrieved a bottle of aspirin and tossed it to me. He then grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and handed that to me as well. I smiled gratefully at him and followed silently out to his car.

Work was completely uneventful. Horatio put me on desk duty because of my head, and Ryan took over our case. I wasn't happy. I wanted to bust that stupid boyfriend of hers. I knew he had something to do with it. I highly doubted that he killed her, for fear of getting his hands dirty, but I was positive that he had something to do with it. Ryan assured me that he'd take care of it, and alas, I was assigned to desk duty. Calleigh came by, to ask how I was and we chatted for a while before Alexx paged her from the morgue. Then I was all alone again.

I finished the paperwork from the case and decided to find Ryan, to see if he'd gotten any leads. I found him in the layout room, looking through pictures of the crime scene.

"Hey."

"Hi, Madison. Finish your paperwork?" he asked with a smirk. I rolled my eyes and stood next to him, studying the pictures.

"Can you please, stop calling me Madison?" I begged.

"Well, that is your name, isn't it?" He asked, smiling.

"Yeah, duh, but it's so formal."

"No it isn't."

"Yes it is!" I argued. "Please, can we go back to Maddie? Or is the fact that we are no longer together making using my nickname too difficult for your broken heart?"

That wasn't a good thing to say. Anger flashed through Ryan's eyes. I mentally slapped myself in the face before attempting to apologize.

"Ryan, I'm sorry- that was uncalled for."

"You're damn right it was. Now, get out, Wallace. I've got work to do."

"But Ryan-" I tried to reason.

"You know what, don't come in here, and accuse me of being the one who ruined what we had. You did that, not me. I've changed. I'm a totally different person from the one I was in high school, and I don't think I deserved what you did. I loved you Maddie. I loved you more than anyone I've ever been with. I'm sorry about what I did- I really am, but this is too much. I won't have you walking around acting like you're the only one who got hurt, you got that?" he ranted. I backed towards the door, tears filling my eyes. Usually, seeing me cry made him upset, but not this time. Now he only glared and waited expectantly for me to leave.

I tried to talk, to explain, to tell him that I knew he was hurting, but words wouldn't form coherently. I began to let the tears fall and I all but ran out of the layout room. I kept running until I was outside in the Miami sun. The tears were falling freely now, and my head was pounding. I felt Calleigh come up behind me, and she placed her hand on my shoulder.

"Maddie, sweetheart-" she began.

"Calleigh- oh god, I've ruined everything." I choked out, sobbing, "I've been the stupidest girl, I hurt him Calleigh, and I hurt him worse than he ever hurt me!"

"What? Are you talking about Ryan?" she asked, her face concerned.

"I didn't mean to, Cal, I really didn't. I didn't think he'd feel the same if he knew who I was. I didn't give him the chance to change." I babbled. Then it dawned on me that Calleigh had no idea what I was talking about.

"Maddie, I don't know what's going on, or what happened between the two of you, but I can tell you this, no matter what, neither one of you deserve this. Ryan can't focus, and you're a crying mess, and I can't stand to see either of you hurt." she told me. I sniffled and nodded, attempting to wipe away my tears. "I don't know what it's going to take, Maddie, but you've got to make this right, for Ryan's sake. Poor guy can't even sleep from what I've heard."

"I'm a horrible person." I breathed.

"No. You've made some mistakes and obviously, Ryan has too. You're not horrible. You're the best thing that's ever happened to him." she insisted.

"I'm sure that he won't agree."

"He's hurt. He's angry. But I know he still loves you. You can't fall out of love, especially when he's as crazy about you as he is." she said.

Calleigh made sure I was alright before making her way back into the lab. I called Horatio and asked if I could take the rest of the day off, saying that my head was hurting. He agreed and I grabbed my things and went to find my car. I'd left it at the lab, because I'd been forced to go home with Ryan. I drove home, mulling over the things Ryan had said to me.

_**I won't have you walking around acting like you're the only one who got hurt**_

Making this right was going to be the hardest thing I'd ever done.


	18. Chapter 18

I had no idea how to fix this mess.

Part of me wanted to think that it wasn't meant to be, because if it was, things wouldn't have happened like this. The other part of me wanted to believe that it could be fixed, and that everything would be alright. I was at a complete loss of what to do. I couldn't just fall at his feet and beg for forgiveness, because, well, that would just be humiliating. I needed to figure out how to show him how sorry I was while retaining at least some of my dignity.

I thought about writing him a letter, but that wasn't personal enough, and knowing Ryan, he'd rip it up before reading it. A phone call was immature, and having Calleigh or Eric talk to him would surely end in disaster. This was my problem and I needed to fix it. All by myself.

I'd never been in love before. I had no idea what I was doing. How often is the girl the one trying to salvage the relationship? If it was Ryan, all he'd have to do would be to buy me flowers and say he loved me, and I'd take him back like that. Unfortunately, I doubted that he would go for that.

My only hope was to try to talk to him, and explain why I'd done what I had. Why I was so angry at him for so long. How much he had hurt me. Putting all of that into an eloquent speech was proving to be more difficult than I had imagined. I rehearsed over and over again, but each time, it changed, leaving me right back at square one.

I knew that he was home. It was ten o'clock and he was probably watching TV or checking his e-mail. I finally worked up the courage to walk myself to his door. My feet felt like lead and I could already feel the tears that were forming in my eyes. I couldn't let him see me cry. Even though in the past few weeks, he'd seen me cry about three times. I knocked on the door and waited. I heard him walking towards the door from inside, and I quickly contemplated how fast I could hide in the bushes. He opened the door and stared at me with a shocked expression.

"I- I just—" I stammered. He waited expectantly with glare and I finally lost my nerve. "I'm sorry, I'll go."

"Madison, I'm pretty sure that you didn't drive all the way here to stammer out two words and leave. What do you want?" he asked, grabbing my arm to keep me from running away. I shook my head violently, willing the tears to go away. This only proved to make them fall faster. Ryan sighed and led me inside his condo, shutting the door quietly.

"I-" I began, for the second time. I was cut off, as a fresh wave of tears spilled from my eyes.

"Madison, I didn't even do anything, why are you crying?" He questioned, exasperated. I glared at him, and controlled the crying. I tried to remember my speech, but in that moment, I forgot everything.

"I had this whole, elaborate speech planned out, but I completely forgot it all." I admitted.

"A speech about what?" he asked. I sighed heavily, attempting to regain my strength. Then came the tears again.

"I'm sorry." I told him.

"We established that outside, now what was this speech about?"

"No, I'm not sorry for being here, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I lied, but you have to understand Ryan. You have to understand how much you hurt me. I know it was a long time ago. It was over ten years ago, but it hurt, because I cared about you. Or I guess I cared about the 'idea' of you. You were perfect. You were gorgeous, smart and I wanted nothing more than to be the girl that you wanted. That night, my world was shattered. I couldn't trust anyone again. I haven't been able to keep a steady relationship since my senior year because I'm so afraid."

"Madi-"

"No, let me get this out before I start crying so hard I can't speak. I was so afraid of getting hurt by someone I cared about. So I stopped caring. But then, I saw you again, and I realized that you were the man that I wished you had been in high school. I fell in love with you so quickly that it made my head spin. I was afraid that if you knew who I was, you wouldn't like me anymore. I was scared that you'd think of me as the girl you relentlessly made fun of in high school." I finished. I drew in a shaky breath, and Ryan finally raised his gaze to meet mine.

"Can I talk now?" he asked. I nodded, and furiously wiped away the tears.

"Maddie, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I was such a jerk. I had friends who expected that from me. You were an easy target, but I promise that if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have hurt you. I swear that if I had really gotten to know you back then, I would have fallen in love with you in high school. But that was my loss. I decided to be an idiot. But I've changed. I hate who I was. I hate who I've been. But I believe that if I'm to adequately make my mistakes right, I have to first know who I've wronged. I simply wish that you would have told me, so I could have apologized earlier. I would hope that you can understand that I would have loved you no matter what, because I need you to love me, even though I was such a jerk. I love you, and I realized last night that I shouldn't blame you for not telling me who you were, because I deserved it. I don't deserve you Maddie, but I want you. I want you more than anything in the whole world."

This time, it was Ryan who drew a deep breath. It was finished. We had said what needed to be said. Now the only issue left was what we were going to do with our newly confessed feelings. I broke down in tears and a moment later, and I felt his arms wrap themselves around me. I sobbed harder and clung to his shirt as if there was no tomorrow. When the sobs subsided, I raised my head to look at his face. There were no tears, but his eyes held so much emotion, that I almost started to sob again.

"No, Maddie, please don't cry. I hate to see you cry. Please, Maddie." He begged. Now there were tears in his eyes. I tried, I really tried to stop crying, but there was no use. I cried until all of my energy was spent. Ryan noticed this and picked me up and carried me into his bedroom. He laid himself down next to me and ran his fingers through my hair.

"What you did tonight, telling me all of that, I know how hard it was for you. I hate myself for being the cause of your pain for so long. I hate that it's my fault you've been so miserable. I'm sorry for the way I treated you. Can you ever forgive me?" he asked me, his eyes pleading.

"I love you." I answered simply. He smiled the first genuine smile I'd seen in weeks, as he pulled my body closer to his. He kissed my lips, softly at first, but then more forcefully when his eyes glazed over in lust. He moved on top of me and my heart rate quickened. I hadn't felt his lips on mine for so long, that I'd almost forgotten how it felt.

A thought occurred to me then. I'd never slept with Ryan before. I'd slept in his bed, and he in mine, but we'd never had sex. He showed no signs of stopping, and frankly, I didn't want him to. I've never been very good at throwing caution to the wind, but I figured that this was as good a time as ever to start. Ryan stopped his assault on my lips and looked into my eyes in silent question of 'Are you sure?' I smiled in affirmation, but fear soon crept into my mind.

"Ryan, I've never done this before." I admitted, shyly looking away. Ryan's gaze turned into one of shock and he smiled and softly kissed my neck.

"Maddie, we don't have to do this. You don't have to sleep with me to prove your love." he assured. Oh my god. This man was amazing.

"No, Ryan, I just-"

"Maddie, if you're not ready, we'll wait. I love you too much to make you do something you don't want to do."

"I want this more than anything in the entire world. I'm just afraid." I told him, a tear escaping from my tightly shut eyes.

"Oh, Maddie, you're not ready for this. We're not ready for this." he said, as his slowly moved off of me. I smiled and nodded. He was absolutely correct. Sleeping together now would be rushing things, and with the current state of our relationship, nothing needed to be rushed.

"Thank you for understanding Ryan." I said. "I love you."

"I love you too, Maddie." he replied. "We'll talk more in the morning. Get some sleep. I know after all that crying, you're bound to be exhausted."

I laughed and snuggled closer to him, breathing in the smell that was oh so Ryan. I don't know how I'd done it, but I'd fixed it. Thank God.


	19. Chapter 19

Sorry I've been absent for so long. I lost my muse, and I couldn't get my Maddie voice back. 

Okay, here's the deal, I know you all are going to hate me for this, but the next few months of my life with Ryan were a few months were some that I'd kill to forget. I'll give the basic details, but I honestly cannot relive those days. I forgot to mention that in college, while my focus was mainly that of criminology, I had a deep interest in psychology. So profiling had always been a dream of mine. In fact, the decision to come to Miami was made only because I didn't get the job that I wanted in Quantico as a behavioralist.

So, after a month of smooth sailing in my relationship with Ryan, I got the call that to this day I wish I would have ignored. The call was from Quantico, offering me a temporary stay as a behavioralist filling in for a woman out on maternity leave. I struggled with the decision for some time, but Ryan encouraged me to try it, while making me promise that I'd come back after my six months were up. I could tell how much it hurt him to watch me go, but I got the feeling that he was still trying to make up for our fight earlier. I cleared everything with Horatio and Miami DADE, insuring that I indeed had a job to come back to when I finished my stay in Quantico.

Even so, leaving Ryan for those months was the stupidest thing I ever did, and had some of the worst repercussions I've ever had to face…..but all in good time, I promise. So I gathered my confidence and packed my bags, trying not to look Ryan in the face as I did so. He was relatively quiet and only nodded when I decided to break the silence with small talk. And that night, as Ryan prepared to leave, with promises to pick me up in the morning and take me to the airport, I made another big decision. _I didn't let him leave._

The surprise was evident on his face as I grabbed his hand and prevented him from leaving with a passionate kiss. The surprise turned to shock as I proceeded to lead him to my bedroom. The shock instantly turned to lust as I removed my clothing slowly and did the same to his. As we made love, I wondered why I'd waited so long to seduce him, but those thoughts were soon replaced by questions of how he learned to do that thing with his tongue. But I digress. In the morning, I almost said SCREW IT to Quantico in favor of having sex with Ryan every night, and maybe every morning as well.

Anyways, now that I've giving away too much information about my sex life, I'll get back on topic. After about three months I decided to come back to Miami to visit Ryan on his birthday. For the first month, we'd talked every night, but as the weeks went by, he stopped calling, and when I called he was always out, or never returned my calls. Needless to say I got a little worried and decided that seeing him was necessary for both my sanity and his. I stopped at the crime lab 

first, expecting to find him there, working. I was met with strange glances and the feeling that everyone else knew something I didn't. It was then that Horatio took me into his office and told me about what had happened with Ryan. The gambling on the clock, the getting fired, the whole thing. I was in complete shock for about an hour upon hearing this. My Ryan, the totally professional one, who wouldn't even kiss me at work, had gambled on the clock? Surely it couldn't be. But it was and my shock turned to self disgust. How could I not have been able to tell the change in his personality? I should have come sooner. I could have saved him from this but I didn't because I just had to go to the BAU. I felt responsible for Ryan's downfall; especially after Horatio told me that Ryan had admitted to him that the gambling had been a result of my leave.

I wanted to see Ryan badly, but I couldn't. Because upon leaving the crime lab, I got mad. Really, really mad. He couldn't blame me for this. I missed him too, but I didn't become an alcoholic just because I was away from him. I was so upset, and confused, and felt so low that I went back to Quantico without even attempting to find Ryan.

But then Horatio called me in my fifth month to tell me the good news that Ryan had gotten his job back. I felt elated at that news, and immediately relieved. After checking to make sure that Ryan had no idea that I had visited two months previously, I began making the arrangements for my return in the upcoming weeks. I found myself becoming nervous to see Ryan again, afraid that he WOULD blame me for his gambling problem. Horatio assured me that Ryan was in a good place and would like nothing more than to see me. That statement seemed wrong to me though, because if that were true, Ryan would have called me. And the truth was I hadn't spoken to him in about three months. Then I realized it was because he was ashamed, and my heart broke for him because I knew I would have done the same thing if it would have been me.

Still, on the plane from Virginia to Miami, I found my body reacting to the idea of seeing Ryan again, and the possibility of spending a night in with him, if you understand what I'm saying. But I reminded myself not to get my hopes up. Best case scenario was that he wouldn't hate me, and would be at least be a little happy to see me. Worst case: he never wanted to speak to me again.

So, imagine my surprise when I walked into the crime lab with my kit, a month earlier than expected, and saw his face. His eyes widened and he instantly dropped the paper her was holding. Delko looked over at him annoyed, but smirked when he followed Ryan's line of sight and saw me standing there. Ryan immediately walked towards me at a pace that can only be described as painstakingly slow. I held my breath as he neared and exhaled as he enveloped me into the warmest, truest, most loving hug that I've ever experienced.

"I'm so sorry." He mumbled into my hair. I instantly broke down into tears upon his apology, and as much as I wanted to yell at him and say 'yes you should be', the only thing I could do was wrap my arms tighter around him and mumble back:

"I love you."

Now do you understand why I skipped a whole six months in our relationship? Well it's because it hurts too much to fully relive those days without Ryan. And it hurts too much to know that my absence was the cause of his gambling. But it is massively important because this only proved one thing:

There is nothing Ryan Wolfe could do now to make me love him any less.


End file.
